Why men run away just when things begin to heat up

IF you’ve ever been jilted by someone you were crazy about soon after things seemed set to move to the next level, you are not alone. Men do it to women and women do it to men, sometimes without even being aware of the pain and state of confusion they leave the other person in.

As difficult as it is for some people to deliver negative news, it’s better to tell the person why you want out instead of backing out with no explanation. Anyone who has had this experience, especially more than once, will begin to question whether they are doing something wrong.

Although some women do this, men are more notorious for cutting loose with no explanation early in the relationship. They do it for various reasons:

1. He’s emotionally unavailable

Although the man might have come into your life as a single man, sometimes he’s emotionally attached to someone else. This person could be an ex with whom he has not had closure or someone else he really likes and is hoping he can still have. So while he is with you he’s probably still thinking about and wanting someone else. If he fixes things with the ex or if his inamorata becomes available, he doesn’t know how to tell you the truth so he might abruptly break off with you without explanation.

2. He fears he cannot meet your expectations

Men try to sum up the situation with women they are interested in pretty quickly. From the get-go, most men can tell if they can afford certain women. After a few months or weeks of dating, he will be well equipped to decide whether he can meet this woman’s expectations. Some men, once they realise they cannot live up to the woman’s expectations in terms of finances or overall ambition, might back out without explanation.

3. He was never interested in anything long-term

Men are moved by what they see and women by what they hear, so a man will tell a woman he is interested in what he thinks she wants to hear. This includes telling her he wants a long-term relationship when what he’s really looking for is a fling. So do not be too quick to tell someone you’ve just met what you’re looking for in a man. Watch him, see what he does, how he treats you without your telling him what kind of man you are looking for. Sometimes despite his saying it is so, the signs are there very early that he isn’t in it for the long-term. However, sometimes you want so badly for this man to be your long-term partner that you ignore the writing on the wall.

4. You were just an ego boost

Certain types of women are a challenge for some men. Sometimes she’s too accomplished or independent, so she intimidates him. Winning over this type of woman can be a big ego boost for some men. However, the end game is merely to win her heart, then cut. Remember, he doesn’t expect that he will be able to keep her, so he’s just out to prove to himself that he can win her heart, then it’s game over. It’s up to women to guard their heart and be discerning about a man’s true intentions.

5. Your neediness made it too easy for him

Men are hunters. They relish a challenge. When a woman gives a man reason to want to pursue her, he enjoys doing so. But if you take the challenge out of the hunt he might lose interest quickly. A woman who is needy (emotionally, financially etc), is vulnerable as she might give too much of herself too soon, this can kill the excitement of the hunt for the man. Sex is easy to get these days, so a woman who is likely to keep a man’s interest after the physical intimacy is one who has something else to offer him.

6. He doesn’t want to be the one to ‘say’ it’s over

Sometimes men who want to leave relationships just do not want to say it. They might do things to frustrate the woman with the hope that she will be the one to call it quits. If this doesn’t work, they might slowly begin to make themselves less available. One of the reasons men do not like to say it’s over when they walk away is because they like to know the gate is still open in case they want to come back.

Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePRGirl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.