Break free from abusive relationships for 2016
Getting the confidence, support and courage to walk away from an abusive relationship may be hard, but choosing to stay can be harmful.
Counselling psychologist Ivret Williams says there are a number of steps that victims of abuse can take to break free from these relationships, especially as they enter a new year.
1. Admit that you are being abused
Look at yourself in the mirror – both physical and mental— and admit to yourself that you are being abused. Stop denying it, stop pretending, and stop justifying the actions of your abuser. It is not okay to tell yourself that your abuser didn’t mean to hurt you or that it is because they love you, because you know very well that you are lying to yourself.
2. Make it public
It is not a pretty secret, but it is not your shame, you didn’t bring anything unto yourself. Talk to your family, trusted friends or a counsellor about it no matter how embarrassing it may be.
3. Invite or encourage your abuser to see a counsellor
Abusers often characterise themselves as victims. Abusers don’t think that they are wrong; they believe that they are being attacked or are triggered by whatever the victims say or do. Invite the abuser to seek help, while you yourself should do the same.
4. Decide to get out
Deciding to get out is usually easier said than done. This is particularly difficult for several reasons, including that after several years of being abused a victim may begin to see abuse as the norm. Also, if the abuser knows that you are planning to leave, the abuse could escalate. But this is the first step towards change.
5. Ask for help
Whenever a victim begins to consider leaving an abusive relationship there are several things to consider, including that they are vulnerable socially, emotionally and financially. With the support of family and/or friends, the transition could be much smoother.
6. Get out
Privately. Secretly. Unannounced. Many times fatalities in abusive relationships occur when people don’t follow these simple instructions. The only people who should know that you are leaving are the trusted family members or friends that are helping you out. Be sure not mention this to your child or children, because for the older ones their loyalties could be split down the middle, while younger children often blurt things out because they do not understand the implications.
