When the saints go… seeking husbands

IF you’re in the church you may have made the umpteenth vow to be patient and wait on the Lord, especially for love; however, this process can be discouraging and cause many saints to falter or take matters into their own hands.

In this regard, those who’ve been waiting for a while may start searching or even hunting with a self-imposed ultimatum to find a spouse before it’s too late, instead of waiting for the Lord’s provision, which they may believe has been taking too long.

Some may say women ought to allow men to pursue them instead of taking matters into their own hands and may even dub such actions as uncouth.

However, according to Reverend Karl Johnson, general secretary of the Jamaica Baptist Union, given the Jamaican culture and tradition which tends to be patriarchal, it is understandable that the woman-waiting-to-be-approached posture is expected to be the norm, although there isn’t anything theological/biblical to endorse that position.

“In fact, you may find the story of Ruth at Boaz’s feet in Ruth 3 interesting, [but] as far as I am concerned there is nothing wrong with women initiating, being open and transparent in admitting interest in the opposite sex,” he said.

Of note, he pointed out that the notion of ‘girl you can’t do what a guy does and still be a lady’ is fast disappearing so women (and men) need to be thoughtful and sensible in seeking relationships.

“Christian women ought always to make decisions in a prayerful and discerning manner,” he said, while adding that we can’t strive for gender equality and deny women the ability to initiate or approach the men they are interested in.

Moreover, the search for a husband in the church may become desperate, which may lead to unfavourable decisions on the part of the woman.

Johnson said while desperation is a recipe for rash decisions, he would encourage women in such a situation to remember that patience is a virtue that should never be dismissed.

“Often God’s will is revealed during the course of patient waiting which is not to be confused with being passive. It is also important that women calibrate their mindset to see singleness as a valid option. Frankly stated, it is not inferior to marriage,” he said.

He added that in seeking a spouse, denomination ought never to be a barrier unless there are doctrines which limit Christians only to that belief system.

With regard to women leaving the church and trying to convert sinners to satisfy this need to ‘settle down’, Johnson said, “Let me say it loudly and clearly, only God can convert.”

“Sadly that is a mistake many (not only women) make. We believe that we can change someone and we enter relationships with this exalted but erroneous view of our abilities, only to be shattered,” he said.

He, however, added that on these precincts a woman should keep an open mind and be willing to explore within boundaries established to affirm her dignity and worth.

Additionally, Johnson said he does not believe that the church has the monopoly on good or decent people, and the hard truth is that the church as a place has yielded some terrible husbands and men, which would suggest that it is not the only place a Christian woman can find a husband.

He said what is important is someone’s values, morals and beliefs, adding that it’s more important to identify someone whose character is solid and whose convictions are sustainable and in sync with yours.

“You may find such a person at school, on the bus, at work, or at a sporting event,” he said.