He doesn’t want to be a husband
WHEN dating someone you admire and love, your next expectation is usually marriage and even if it takes an eternity, many women are willing to wait for the ring.
But how long should the wait be?
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said many women in committed relationships can identify with the scenario of the man saying his woman is the wife without needing a ring to prove it.
He said the following are possible reasons for the delay:
1. Family tradition
Powell said your partner may be part of a generational tradition where the men in his family don’t get married to their partners and so he feels obligated to carry on the tradition.
2. Past hurt
The relationship counsellor said maybe the person you’re dating was married and suffered emotional pain from that break-up and so is reluctant to commit to marriage the second time around.
3. No good examples
Powell said it could be a possibility that he witnessed turmoil in his parents’ marital relationship and so is turned off from marriage, or he may have observed the disintegration of marital relationships of friends and family members and so is timid to go down that road.
4. Not ready to settle
“He could have a high regard for marriage and believe that such a commitment would mean he can’t or shouldn’t be fooling around other women,” Powell said. He also added that your significant other could also believe that the title of ‘married man’ may thwart his prospects of intimately relating with other women who declare that they will not be with a married man.
5. Fears you might change
Powell pointed out that your partner may be of the strong opinion that when the ring is placed on the girlfriend’s finger and her status is elevated, she will change and become complacent and neglect her domestic responsibilities.
6. Sees marriage as bondage
“Your boyfriend may believe marriage is too restrictive and so if and when he wants out, the process of divorce could be too onerous and time-consuming.” He said if this is your situation, you have to make a decision if you are going to work with the programme or do something about it.
“If your boyfriend has some psychological hang-ups regarding marriage, then counselling definitely would be recommended. If he is reluctant to get married because he wants the liberty to fool around under the guise of being a single man, then you know that he has ulterior motives,” Powell stated.
He added that if you are in the 10-year cohabitation mode, worse if you have children for him, the reasoning should be, “If I am good enough to be your child/children’s’ mother I should be good enough to be your wife.”
— Kimberley Hibbert
