Married dad canoodling with married ex
Dear Counsellor,
I am 36 years old, and married with kids. I love my wife and kids dearly, but I am emotionally attached to my ex-girlfriend who is also married with kids. Ever since we reconnected some months ago, we have abstained from sex completely, but sometimes we kiss. I am seriously confused now and don’t know what to do. I need your advice.
How did you respond to the following question posed by the marriage officer at the wedding ceremony, “Do you take [bride’s name] to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honour and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, for as long as you both shall live?”
No doubt you responded affirmatively. The truth is, many couples forget the commitments they made and disregard the marital covenant at a moment’s notice.
So you love your wife and children, and more than likely your ex-girlfriend loves her husband and children as well. So what appears to be an ideal picture is now being tarnished by the liaisons you are having with your ex.
Emotional attachment is much deeper than physical attachment and can negatively impact your marriage. Abstaining from sex is good, but chances are that may not be for long, as one or both of you will want to take it to the next level.
The confusion you are having can only be resolved if you consider the harm you will bring to your marriage if you continue down this road and you make a conscious effort to take control of the situation.
If you care about your marriage and your family as you indicated, then actions must speak louder than words. As difficult as it may be, ceasing regular communication and physical contact with your ex would be in the best interest of both of you.
It is important that you find ways of redirecting your attention back home and not be distracted. The same advice would be applicable for your ex. The longer you take to do so, the greater your confusion will be.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@ seekingshalom.org.
