I don’t want to move in with him
Dear Counsellor,
I have been with my boyfriend for five years now and we have a child together. He recently bought a house with a family member and wants me to move in with them. I’m very happy and proud of him, but I’m also living with my family. The prospect of sharing a one-bedroom house with two other people plus my child is out of the question.
I hope I’m not being inconsiderate, but I just can’t leave one inconvenient living situation for another. As you can imagine, this is having a negative impact on our relationship. I do love him a lot, but my love is beginning to fade. Am I being unreasonable?
Sometimes young couples have to be content with their current situation until they can afford to improve their condition later in life. This includes living accommodation, which is most difficult to come by these days.
It is not unusual for family members to join resources and purchase a house, which may mean two families sharing a common living space. Although the arrangements might not be ideal, it is more affordable given the available resources at the time.
One can understand your concerns about moving from one inconvenient setting to another, and sharing accommodations with your boyfriend’s family would be most uncomfortable.
Surely your boyfriend should have discussed with you the decision to purchase a house with his family, and ascertain your feelings on the matter. It may have not changed the decision, but at least you would have had an opportunity to express your opinion and its likely impact on the relationship. It could be that your gentleman had to move quickly on this opportunity as another chance may not come his way anytime soon.
It is therefore important that you have a serious talk with your boyfriend, expressing your reservations. Maybe you may want to give it a short trial run to see how it goes, but it must be a mutually agreed decision. What about the possibility of adding an extension to the existing building? Could that be a consideration in the medium to long term?
As you have indicated, your boyfriend must be commended for making a decisive move to secure a house in these difficult economic times. It is left up to you to decide if this living arrangement would be a deal breaker for you.
Because of your discontent, the relationship is now affected. This conflict needs to be resolved if intimacy is to be restored. No doubt the communication has declined and the subject has become a source of contention.
It is important to discuss this matter thoroughly to reach a compromise, because the longer you both delay, the wider the gap will be in the relationship. Bear in mind that you both have a child together, and his/her welfare must be considered.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
