It’s not working
Dear Counsellor,
I am a mother of two. Some years ago when I was going through a break-up with the man I dated after the relationship with my children’s father ended, my children’s father was there for me even though he was involved with someone else. He was my emotional support through my trauma. I then met someone else and we became friends. This new guy starting showing that he cared for me. One night I was upset and called my children’s father, but unfortunately, he was not available. I then called my new friend. He came over, comforted me, and we ended up having sex. I felt awful afterwards.
My children’s father ended his relationship and he turned to me for support. We decided to get involved with each other again. I felt that he should know everything that happened while we were separated, and I filled in all the details.
Now I am faced with nothing but emotional, physical and mental abuse from him. I have reached my breaking point. I really wanted this to work, but I just can’t take it anymore. He has had several partners with me, and each time I find out all he does is chastise me. I regret that I made the decision to return to the relationship. I am so depressed.
It is always good when children can have both their parents residing under the same roof, but the reality is that some people are better off being in a co-parenting relationship than they are in a romantic one.
In your case, you were hoping that since you both have a history together, when you got back with your children’s father you would have had a “happy ever after” ending. Unfortunately, that did not happen.
There is this saying that “a leopard never changes its spots”. Did you not know about the roaming ways of your children’s father? Did you expect that when you were both back together he would have changed? That’s the mistake many women make. If the gentleman made no special effort to curtail his wandering habits, then it’s quite likely he will continue the practice. Did you ever find out why his relationship failed? It could be for the same reason.
When a woman is in such a vulnerable state, it is neither surprising nor uncommon that she might be overcome with emotions and yield to the outpouring of emotional support and affection. This void in your life is obviously what you are yearning to fill, but regrettably you are experiencing physical and emotional abuse from the father of your children.
Many women like you remain in unhealthy relationships out of fear or the incapacity to manage alone. But no doubt your children are looking on and will be psychologically affected by witnessing the abuse you are facing.
Since you are clearly distressed by your present circumstances, you need to do what is in your best interest and that of the children. If you feel threatened, then you must seek help and support from law enforcement and women’s groups that provide support services.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
