Pregnant, with an abusive dad-to-be

Dear Mrs Macaulay,

I am currently a single pregnant woman who is seeking to obtain full legal custody of my child when she is born. The reason for this decision is that my baby’s father cannot control himself or his anger and he cannot be civil with me. I don’t think he should be given the opportunity to make legal decisions as regards the upbringing of my child, as I fear that it will cause total chaos in the future. He has slapped me around more than once, and when I try to be civil he either wants no part of it or tries to be difficult, which is upsetting, especially since I am pregnant. I would like to know how to go about obtaining full legal custody and what is the likelihood of it being granted to me at court.   I have noted the contents of your letter and I am very concerned about the abuse, both physical and verbal, that you have received from your baby’s father-to-be.  I also note your fear for the future for yourself and your child.It is a pity that you did not take any action to legally protect yourself and your unborn child from his abuse.  I refer specifically to the abuse inflicted on you during your pregnancy. This man, it seems, has no control over his temper, and he seems to believe that he can ill-treat you with impunity. So far he is correct in that regard, as you have made no attempt to report his behaviour.On the next occasion when he verbally or physically abuses you, go immediately to the Family Court in your parish and make an application for a protection order. If you live together, you should also apply for an occupation order. If your confinement date is close and you know what costs will be incurred by your medical bills and those of your baby, plus all the necessary material items for the child, you must apply for the father to be ordered to pay his share.  If the child has already been born at the time of your application, and he did not pay his share of the above, you must apply for the orders I have stated above under the Domestic Violence Act and for his share of the birth costs and the baby’s needs, and for maintenance.Also, if you are applying for the said orders after the birth, then you must also at the same time apply for sole legal custody and care and control of your child.  However, I must stress to you the importance of applying as soon as he abuses you again.  Or, if his last abuse was not too far in the past, you can go and make your application and stress the fact that it is a course of conduct on his part because he has no control over his anger, as he has more than once physically and often verbally abused you and you fear the continuation of this dangerous, physical and mental anguish. It is vital for you to get protection orders and (if necessary) an occupation order as soon as you can.  In fact, the proof by you of his abuse and the grant of the orders upon your application will assist you in your sole custody and care and control application.You can cite, in support of your application for sole custody and care and control, the facts of his violent conduct, his physical and verbal abuse, and your fear for the future of yourself and your child.  Remember that even if he does not abuse the child directly, as long as that child is present during any abuse of you, that child is a victim of that abuse also. I am, however, advising you to obtain the services of an attorney-at-law who is a practitioner in this area of the law and who will present your case clearly and strongly, and demonstrate that not only are all the orders necessary for your protection and that of your baby, but that your being granted sole custody is in the best interests of the child.  From what you have stated about his persistent abuse, you have more than a good chance of success in your application for sole custody, as this will enable you to make all the important decisions about your child’s life, development and welfare, without physical and/or verbal abuse from the father.Remember also that even if you do not live with him but you have a ‘visiting relationship’, you can apply under the Domestic Violence Act for orders for your protection and that of your baby, which will keep him away from you both.  Do not be afraid to go to court to obtain the protection you and your baby need.  You should be more afraid of not obtaining such orders and of him.  His abuse will not diminish but will continue and escalate despite whatever promises he may make to change.Once you get the orders under the Domestic Violence Act, he will be clearly told that if he breaches any of the orders he will be arrested without a warrant and taken before the court for the judge to decide what punishment to inflict on him.  He would then understand that there will be serious consequences for each of his abusive actions and verbal abusive utterances.Make sure to keep in your custody a certified copy of your orders of protection and occupation (if necessary and granted), so that if there is a breach, you can produce it to the police when you or someone on your behalf report this breach.  This is an absolute necessity, because the police must see it so they will know that they can safely act as the Domestic Violence Act directs them to do following a breach of the court’s orders.Please act as soon as you can. You have nothing to lose and much to gain.All blessings to you and your child. Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women’s and children’s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide personal responses. DISCLAIMER:The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to legal advice from your own attorney.