The case of the pathetic two-timer
Dear Counsellor,
I am a single mother of two, and I have been hurt and dumped for no reason by the father of my kids. He went back to his ex, who he was romancing while he was with me, and now they are planning to get married. Surprisingly, he claims he still loves me and wants me to help him break up with her. She frowns on any kind of friendship between us, of course. He says he didn’t plan to propose to her, but he did so a month after leaving me when he wasn’t thinking straight. He says he is with her because she is always giving him money and gifts. According to him, he tells her that he loves me, yet he is still with her. What can I do to move on? This man is obviously confused and unsure about who or what he wants. He claims he loves you, yet is planning to marry someone else.Here is how the scenario might have played out: While he was with you, he was busy elsewhere being showered with money and gifts. While doling out the goodies, the woman must have said to him, “If you like it, you’ve got to put a ring on it.” Mr Mention was then caught between a rock and a hard place — a position that he has willingly put himself into. He claims to be in love with you, but he is more in love with the generosity of the other woman who has made him an offer he can’t refuse.Now he is asking you to help him devise an escape route, as he finds himself being led down the aisle by someone he does not want to be in a committed relationship with. Are you really prepared to take this man back into your life?One thing is certain: The other woman is not going to let go easily, plus she knows she possesses the carrot that your children’s father will fall for all the time. You can be sure that if he marries her the children are unlikely to have visits from him, as she will try to block any contact between them. Is that the drama you want in your life? How would that benefit you and the children?The truth is that Mr Mention has placed himself in a tight spot that he must find his way out of on his own. You need to look after yourself emotionally and not allow his decisions to take centre stage in your life. The children need to have a physically healthy mother, so turn your attention to them and do everything you can to make them happy.If one day he wakes up and realises the folly of his ways and tries to find his way back home, then so be it. But please do what is in your best interest and that of the children.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
