How to know he’s not ready for a relationship with you
IF you have been scratching your head trying to figure out why a man you care about keeps questioning why you have chosen him, pause for a moment and let’s reason.
Sometimes a woman who has accomplished certain things in her life, and who is expected to opt for a partner of a certain status, chooses a man who isn’t anywhere close to her in terms of achievements, whether educationally or financially. Nothing is wrong with being with a man who isn’t your educational or financial equal, as long as he treats you with love and respect and brings value to the relationship.
The real problem arises when despite everything you do to reassure him, he still questions why you chose him. Sometimes the problem is simply this — he might be ready for a relationship but just not a relationship with you. Here are some of the signs:
1. Nothing you do reassures him
Regardless of what you do or say to reassure him that he is the one you want, he keeps asking why you chose him. Some people have deep-rooted self-esteem issues, possibly from past hurts. If he has been rejected by someone who might have been in a similar social standing as you, he will find it difficult to believe that you want him. While he is with you, he is waiting to hear you say it’s over any minute.
2. He wants to control your personal and professional interactions
A man who feels that he could lose you at any time to someone more ‘qualified’ will probably try to hold on to you for dear life by being controlling. He might want to restrict your communication and dictate the time you spend with others, even professional associates.
3. He constantly finds excuses to avoid committing
Men often retreat and do not open up when they are thinking through things. If you want him to commit and he feels he isn’t ready for a woman like you, it is unlikely he will tell you, but his cues might include retreating without explanation. What he is doing is processing the situation, how to deal with it. He is trying to figure out if he should believe that you genuinely want HIM, if he should just relax and risk it, or if he should invest in getting himself up to your level so that he might feel more secure in himself.
4. He does not have certain things that make a man feel accomplished
When a man over a certain age does not have some things that make him feel secure as a man, such as a good-paying job, a car, a house or anything of real value that makes him feel accomplished, it can be difficult for him to maintain a relationship, let alone with a woman who already has those things. Some men will not move into a woman’s house. These are the traditional types who feel they should be providing her with a roof over her head and not the other way around. If a man is not in a position to put a roof over a woman’s head or even to take her out for a meal, it will be difficult for him to believe that an accomplished woman wants him in her life, unless it’s for a casual affair.
If you notice these things about a man that you are genuinely interested in, it does not matter how good a woman you are, you will continue to have failed relationships if you choose a man who isn’t ready for you.
When a man feels that he does not deserve you, that he’s not up to your standard, your relationship will be filled with insecurities and mothering moments. You trying to convince him that he is the one you want, that he’s worthy of you, while he’s trying to figure out what you see in him. All that time should be spent building your relationship, but instead you’ll be stuck justifying the relationship.
Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
