When you should get back with your ex

GOING back to work on a failed relationship may be seen as counterproductive, as too many chances may mean you’re setting up yourself for heartbreak. But according to marriage and family therapist Wayne Powell, there are some situations that are forgiveable and can warrant a woman returning to her former lover with hopes of working things out.

“Considering that issues that prompted the initial break-up have now been effectively resolved, for example, your partner has made a particular behaviour change or maybe you had external pressures from parents and friends that influenced your decision then, and now you found that their comments were unfair, such as comparing educational/socio-economic backgrounds, then you can reconsider. Or it could be that there was a degree of instability where one partner was off for school and has now returned,” he said.

He cautioned that it is important that you do your due diligence to ensure that the issues of the past have been resolved and that you are emotionally ready to pick up where you left off. He also said relationships that were abusive are not part of his recommendation, but providing that it was an amicable split, the following could be considered in the move to rekindle the flames with your ex:

1. He was not abusive

Powell said whether emotionally or physically once your ex was not abusive, it’s grounds for consideration, providing you truly analysed the reason for leaving in the first place.

2. You were young and not ready for a relationship or commitment

Many times people in a relationship have not matured or do not understand how much work it takes and they split. Powell explained that it doesn’t mean there was no love, it could simply be that the timing was off. Once you’re sure you’re ready to be in a relationship, Powell said getting back together can be looked at.

3. You had different priorities

“It could be that one individual was studying and one was trying to develop a career so they invested their time elsewhere. Once you’re now on the same page, go for it,” Powell said.

4. Emotionally distracted

“It is possible that a relationship didn’t work out because one party got distracted by an event in life that took a toll on them and they were not prepared to talk about it. As a result they may have pushed you away or closed you out emotionally,” Powell said. He further stated that once the individual has sorted themselves out by seeking the help of a counsellor, you may consider re-entering a relationship with them.