8 lessons from the ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ scenario
LESSONS from successful people for the most part are usually about positive things; however, as it pertains to American comedian Kevin Hart and the recent sex scandal he’s been embroiled in, the knowledge being imparted is quite negative but essential for women, especially when those married begin experiencing the “for better or worse” part of their vows.
Hart recently put out a video on Instagram apologising to his pregnant wife Eniko Parrish and his children saying he made a bad error in judgement and had cheated – a revelation spurred by the decision of the woman he cheated with to attempt to blackmail him.
Hart and Parrish were tarred and feathered online by people who stated that Parrish was experiencing karma for dating Hart when he was married to first wife Torrei.
In fact, Hart had once described Parrish as his rib, claiming he would never cheat on her, and had also said his marriage with Torrei didn’t work because he tied the knot at 22, when he was not yet mature.
The ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ messages were many, with people warning Parrish that she should have expected that the same dish she served to Torrei Hart would come back to haunt her.
What’s the takeaway from this episode? Does the Kevin Hart situation warn women about stealing men from other women? Is it true that if you gain a man by being a homewrecker, you’re bound to suffer the same fate?
Dr Kai AD Morgan, clinical psychologist and president of the Jamaican Psychological Society, shares eight lessons to be learned:
1. People are human beings and inherently flawed
2. Infidelity is as old as time
Dr Morgan further pointed out that the face of infidelity has shifted with the shift in the conceptualisation of marriage being based on a romantic ideal versus a practical ideal. “So infidelity is no longer tolerable because our partners are supposed to be everything to us: best friend, confidant, lover, domestic partner, financial supporter, good father/mother to the children, etc, [but] in the older generation, these all-encompassing expectations were not there in a marriage,” she said.
3. Understand expectations
“We must begin to understand what our expectations of our partners are and the reality of what needs they can and cannot fulfil and realign them to reality,” she said.
4. Infidelity rates are high, not to mention divorce rates
Dr Morgan added that these rates are even higher with celebrities as the means and opportunities for infidelity are greater.
5. People cheat in happy and unhappy relationships
The clinical psychologist said individuals need to begin to understand why this happens, begin to understand the nature of individuals/your partner and where he/she is on the spectrum of requiring variety because one thing is sure, all human beings do not have the same sexual or relationship appetite. “One size cannot fit all,” she said.
6. No point in casting blame
“In any relationship, it takes two, and any couple facing infidelity must begin to understand the roles they play, understand their dynamic, and why this happened. No blame game here,” Dr Morgan said.
7. Once a cheater, not always a cheater
Dr Morgan said the popular phrase is not always true, as it all depends on the dynamics, personality or needs of the person and the motives behind cheating. “That’ll help to determine why it happened and what, if anything, can resolve the situation. But having said that, the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour,” she said.
8. Carefully consider a man’s past
She said humans are complex creatures and although the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, there are always anomalies, however rare. “It’s this belief that allows men and women who know a person’s “shady” past to continue engaging, hoping that he or she will be the one that’s different and special and will make the “cheater” stop cheating, [but] oftentimes that doesn’t play out,” she explained.
