He marries her after your break-up: What she’s doing that you didn’t
MANY women can relate to being in a relationship they thought was destined for a trip down the aisle, but which ended on a sour note.
To add insult to injury, your ex may have committed to another relationship shortly after and married the next woman at the speed of light, leaving you wondering where you went wrong.
But why do some men move on quickly after a break-up? Resident marriage and family therapist Wayne Powell says there’s no single answer to this question. However, before you start obsessing about your shortcomings, it could be that the relationship was just not meant to be.
“Some relationships are better off for both persons on the friendship level than it would be on the romantic level, and so any attempts to destabilise the current status quo could ruin a good thing,” he explained.
Further, Powell said when the comparison is done, the other girl has the edge as she may have learnt from him what your weaknesses were and decided to offer the opposite.
As an example, Powell explained that your ex may have had a woman cooking for him high on his wish list, but you refused to let your nails be damaged in the kitchen while the new girl has no problem cooking, hence she scores high on his mark sheet.
He added, “The same applies for sexual matters — the new girl would have learnt what he likes and is not getting, so she promises him an endless supply whenever and however he desires.”
Asked why then would a man remain in a situation where he is unhappy and unfulfilled, Powell said, “He may have been enduring rather than enjoying the relationship, and was passing the time waiting for the person who could tolerate his idiosyncrasies and not attempt to make him over.”
Additionally, Powell said a man could quickly marry another woman who is meek and submissive as opposed to one who is assertive and portrays a sense of independence, as that’s his preference.
He also said his reason for tying the knot with the next girl could be that you threatened his manhood/ego by being emotionally abusive and disrespectful, while the other woman values him and boosts his self-esteem.
But what obtains if you’ve done all the “right” things, and he still leaves and marries the next girl?
“If he didn’t do it for some other reason, like to get a green card, it may mean that he used the relationship as a testing ground to see what he’s prepared or not prepared to live with,” he said.
In this case, Powell said it would benefit you as the woman to do the same evaluation and see what you may have to do differently in your next relationship.
— Kimberley Hibbert
