No added benefits to cohabiting before marriage, says expert
TODAY, premarital cohabitation is more common than ever. Couples do it for various reasons, but the main one is to see if they could spend the rest of their lives married and living with their significant others. However, sexologist Dr Sidney McGill disagrees with this test drive, saying that when couples get married formally, the dynamics change between them, even if they had been living together for decades.
Additionally, he said that expectations of partners go up several notches after marriage, even while sometimes unrealistic.
“I believe surveys show that there is no added benefit in testing the waters before taking a marital dive,” he cautioned, while outlining some of the disadvantages.
•Cohabitation prior to marriage may cause couples to become less interested in commitment and marriage.
•Women see cohabitation as a step towards marriage; men, on the other hand, do not see it this way. They see it as an opportunity to avoid a commitment to marriage. This results in tension between partners and can eventually cause a break-up.
•There is not real commitment when you live together before marriage. When problems arise it is easy to walk away from the relationship, even for the smallest of reasons. Married couples work hard to resolve their problems, to preserve their marriages.
•After a while cohabitation appears to be normal, causing some couples to forget the idea of a matrimonial ceremony.
•A marriage is bound to vows regarding sacrifice and loyalty that couples promise to keep for life. They are meant to keep them together and encourage them to stick with their partners even when things are at the worst. These vows tend to be absent with unmarried couples who live together.
•While living together, unmarried couples form routines that fit their situations. These routines that they are used to might not work when they are ready to transition to marriage and will cause arguments. It might even put a strain on the relationship when a couple finally ties the knot.
•Incompatibility is another issue. Couples get to know each other more when they live together. However, this can be overwhelming and can cause them to separate from each other, instead of working things out.
•Unmarried couples live without any long-term commitment goals. This gives them a “free conscience” to enjoy their lives emotionally and sexually. With marriage, couples work towards keeping their marriage healthy.
