Women openly admit to breaking up marriages

IT’S called mate poaching in scientific circles — where single women, in assessing male attraction, are more interested in a man if they believe he is already in a relationship. It’s been the subject of a significant body of research done internationally — including a 2004 report, Patterns and Universals of Mate Poaching Across 53 Nations , published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , which found that around 60 per cent of men and 40 per cent of women admit that they have tried to poach someone else’s partner, either for the purpose of having a short-term sexual relationship or for the purpose of forming a new long-term mating alliance.

The phenomenon was further dissected in a 2012 article in Psychology Today by Stephanie Newman, PhD, an author, clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, who pointed to another sizable study which found 90 per cent of single women were interested in a man they believed was taken, while a mere 59 per cent wanted him when told he was single.

In fact, even though other researchers ( What do you get when you make somebody else’s partner your own – 2014, Journal of Research in Personality) have found that relationships formed this way are doomed, as men and women who said they’d been poached by their current partners tended to report less commitment to their existing relationship, feel less satisfied in it, committed more acts of infidelity and looked out for more alternatives — and although being the other woman is generally frowned upon, some women are unapologetic in their pursuit.

All Woman caught up with a few who are not only unashamed of their actions, but show little or no remorse.

Below they tell how and why they never thought twice about moving in on a man even though they knew that he had pledged his commitment to another woman.

Alicia, 33, administrative assistant:

I was his assistant for eight or nine years. We began messing around a few months after I started working with him and I could see that she didn’t treat him well. His pants were always double- seamed, every day he had to buy breakfast, and they argued about everything Anyway, I began to suspect that she couldn’t have children, and I said I would not let those good, healthy, intelligent qualities go to waste, so I stopped taking the pill and I got pregnant for him. Even though I had promised my boss I would keep it a secret, when my son was born I couldn’t bother anymore. He eventually came to be with me because he wanted to be around his child, but we only lasted a year because I just was not adjusting and we are from two different classes, so it was too much for me.

Camille, 25, store clerk:

First of all, it wasn’t a real marriage, it was common-law, and they were together for many years, maybe about 12. When I was growing up my mother always told me that if I want something I must go for it; I am a go-getter. Plus, other women stole my men from me before, so I guess it was the norm. I was just joining the game. When I didn’t want to be number two anymore, I just started to place myself anywhere the man was, taking pictures and putting them on social media, called and harassed the woman, and my friends and I always laughed when we saw her. She got tired of it, then she left him. The only annoying part of it is that he still has to deal with her because of the kids.

Sherry, 36, bartender:

The bar is a place where men come and they get merry and of course they flirt. Turns out that I got close to one of my regulars and he would treat me good, give me money, buy me nice things and even help me out with the kids. After a while I started giving him the “good good”. I knew he was married and all, but from the first day he came to the bar I wanted to give him some loving. Anyway, I guess things got obvious and words reached the wife, and she came and we got physical. I reeled out all the things the man had told me about her. She just stopped in the middle of it and went into her car. She put him out after that. He was staying with me even though he has another house, and up until today we are still doing our thing even though he doesn’t live with me. He can have any number of women he wants, but I just don’t want anybody to mess with the little extra sugar I get from him to give to my kids.

Corlis, 44, business owner:

It started out that we were just business partners — we supported each other in business and supported each other’s brand. So we would link up with other friends in the same business every week. Anyway, one night we all got drunk, but he didn’t leave the room and we ended up doing the naughty. The chemistry built up and even though I tried to break things off, the connection got stronger. After about 14 months I told him he should stop taking his wife for a fool or stop sleeping with me. He coughed up everything to his wife. After she got through her anger she was willing to forgive him, but things with us had gone to a different level. I don’t regret demanding that he choose, because for one I no longer wanted to be a secret and secondly, their relationship was a lie.

Georgette, 37, beauty therapist:

Their relationship had been broken, they weren’t happy, and if you ask me, I would say that I did them both a favour. He had no light in his eyes, he didn’t smile, and that is not how I remembered him, and so even though I was hesitant at first because I know he was married (I went to their wedding), I gave in to his request to go to lunch. He laughed so hard that day and every day after that, I made sure I fixed all the things that made him sad, I showed him how a good man ought to be treated and he was foreign to it. Long story short, she found my pictures on his phone and conversations we’d had and tried to attack me. At first I felt bad, just a little, but then her behaviour and petty actions trumped that. I rescued that beautiful man.