The worst V-DAY gift I’ve ever received

ON Valentine’s Day, generally, couples are expected to express their love in appropriate, tangible forms, but not every man gets that memo, it seems.

Below, All Woman readers share their worst Valentine’s Day experience, either by way of a gift from their ex, or the venue chosen by him for a rendezvous.

Jessica, 37, realtor

I was about 29 and loved the outdoors. My man at the time knew I always wished for a night out under the stars. Anyway, he figured he had the perfect plan, so he told me to dress up nice, in nothing too long, so I went for a dress two inches above the knees. So we get to the place — it wasn’t completely remote, but acceptable aesthetically and nicely lit. He proceeded to set up a nice picnic. Two minutes into being at the place, the mosquitoes started feasting on me, then when we put the blanket down, the ground was damp and I could feel as my dress got damp and eventually soaked. I pretended I was enjoying everything and I really tried, until a cat-sized rat decided to use the picnic table as a racetrack. I actually fainted and had to be revived by having water thrown on me. I only felt safe again when I got home.

Mariah, 33, small business owner:

He bought me personal hygiene and care products, and it seemed to me like he was saying that I had poor hygiene. He had me checking myself and asking my family members if I smelled. That was actually very hard for me emotionally.

Tanisha, 34, banker:

He was such a dog — he gave me expired chocolates he had bought on the road in Half-Way-Tree. I had eaten about five when I started to feel ill, then when I checked the date it had expired a whole year earlier. I spent the whole night and most of the next day in the bathroom. He was so cheap that he bought the gift at the last minute, and almost made me end up in hospital with food poisoning.

Sonia, 43, vendor:

My ex-husband thought it was funny to buy weight loss books and a DVD for me. He was a fitness trainer and he also gave me a gift card for gym membership. I had gained a few pounds and I know that I needed work, but how could someone who says that they love you look to give those as gifts on a day meant for love? Then you know the worst part? The pig wanted me to be happy and allow him to be intimate with me that night.

Lauren, 22, hairdresser:

He sent me a wreath at work — well actually, I believe it was from his other woman who had found out about us. But whoever it was, I was working on a customer’s hair, and the shop was full of clients when the van drove up and delivered the wreath. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.

Shaquille, 28, student:

I would say the worst place was dinner, and not because the food wasn’t good or anything. The food, in fact, was great. The problem was that he was trying to police my order and I know it was because of the prices, so while he made embarrassing comments in front the waitress I just said, “Don’t worry about it, honey, I am paying for my meal.” He was obviously offended, but he also backed off. The lady billed us separately and I paid with my card. He tried to pretend that is not what he was doing. Ladies, when men take you out, always have a little extra in your purse for these dates. And men, don’t choose an expensive restaurant if you can’t handle the prices.

Michelle, 31, designer:

My ex gave me the same thing every year — a purse, chocolates and roses, even though I would tell him time and time again that I hate flowers. He was good at choosing quality chocolate though, so I guess that was a plus.

Anthonia, 24, store clerk:

Nothing. I guess that getting anything at all would be better than nothing. It made me super jealous of my friends. He claimed he doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s because it’s a gay man’s day. But it’s not even like outside of Valentine’s Day he would get me anything. He was too stingy, and I am just glad I found a generous replacement.