Lessons on friendships, relationships

IT is said that after your mid-20s your social circle rapidly shrinks and, of the many friends you once boast ed, maybe only a handful remain. This handful usually comes down to those you invested in, those you see as important, and those who add value to your life.

Marriage and family therapist Wayne Powell said that the early stages of adulthood often bring to the fore for many people the harsh reality that not everyone who smiles with them is nice, and not everyone who talks to them is a friend. And sometimes those with whom they were once inseparable become total strangers.

Below he outlines a few key things women need to know about friendships and relationships as they navigate the journey of adulthood.

FRIENDSHIPS

1. Some friendships are seasonal 

Powell said some friends are around for a season and may not remain in your circle forever, and it’s important to know when the snake skin has shed and walk away.

2. Some friends have ulterior motives

“Some male friends may have an ulterior motive and expect something in return for a favour granted, whereas some female friends may just be there to gain knowledge, twist it, and paint you in a bad light to others,” Powell said.

3. Competition is everywhere

As sure as night follows day, you will encounter individuals disguised as friends that compete with you, discourage you from your goals, and then aim for the same things they told you not to do.

4. There are modern day Judases

“Expect betrayal and don’t let it catch you off guard. Remember, these friends are humans. Just know that pulling away from the friendship does not equate to malice. Yes, you are hurt by their actions, but forgive them while not being foolish. You have to look out for yourself,” he said.

5. Friends come and go

Powell said as the years come and go so will a number of friends. He also said some friends will unilaterally withdraw their friendship and you will never know why.

RELATIONSHIPS

1. It’s OK not to be married

“If you are not married before 30 your life has not ended. Same if you are not in a relationship and you are working at building your career and realising your personal goals,” Powell said.

2. Nothing is wrong with dating frequently

Powell said it is OK to go on plenty dates and meet people before you settle on a serious relationship.

3. Your virginity is not a mark of shame

“If you are in a relationship and you decide to remain a virgin [no matter your age] it’s OK,” he said.

4. Sex is not love

Don’t equate love with sex, and it’s important to realise that men will use this as a manipulating factor.

5. It’s OK to not have children

The closer you inch to 30, family and friends will begin asking if you don’t intend to have a child. Powell said if it’s not on the agenda, don’t be pressured into taking on a responsibility for which you’re not prepared.