Signs you’re dating a pathological liar

WE’VE all lied about small things in a relationship ­— like pretending we paid a bill when we forgot, or saying that arrangements were made even though the occasion completely slipped our minds. These are done in a bid to avoid annoying, or causing our partners to become upset. And while there is no harm to small fibs even though they too should be avoided, clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says where the problem usually arises is when your partner lies out of habit — cooking up stories and situations to make themselves look better, to impress you, and/or to boost their own egos.

She said that there are a number of telltale signs that your partner is a master story inventor and a pathological liar. Below she shared some of these:

They are caught cooking up stories all the time

If you have a spouse and this person is caught repeatedly fabricating stories and creating situations, and when confronted with the truth they try to manipulate their way out, this could be a sign of pathological lying.

You realise that their stories often change

Your spouse may tell you one story and later you may hear them telling the same story to someone else, but with sometimes completely different details or some variation thereof. The lies may also appear to be a similar story you heard on the news or about someone else, but your spouse tells the story as if it is their story.

They lie to get attention/sympathy

Some people are natural attention or sympathy seekers. You realise that most stories are fabricated to play on your emotions — they may lie about being ill or feeling ill and exaggerate illness or other experiences.

Your partner lacks remorse when caught in a lie

When caught in a lie instead of accepting that they are wrong, your partner becomes defensive, invents a cover story in the hope that you will believe it, or lacks any kind of remorse, sometimes even trying to play the victim or refusing to address the matter.

They have low self-esteem

While the grand stories they conjure every day may make this seem far from the truth, you may notice that behind the hype and suspected exaggerated stories they have very low self-esteem. You may realise that they struggle with their image, are not very confident, are intimidated by others, and generally work hard to do and say things so that others will like them, which is why they often resort to telling lies.

They always have a brilliant excuse

As humans, we err naturally, but not them! They are constantly blaming someone else. So instead of saying that they had to work late, they didn’t realise the time had slipped by so quickly or that they underestimated the traffic, they create some story about helping a lost child to the police station, assisting someone who was hurt to the hospital, or even having a family emergency.

Dr Bell said if your partner is a pathological liar then there is also the possibility that they are suffering from a mental disorder such as antisocial or personality disorder, where lying is a common characteristic.