Signs your marriage is in trouble
IT’S near impossible that a marriage will go from happily ever after to just signing the divorce papers and getting it over with overnight. And while it may be difficult to miss some of the tell-tale signs, there are usually thousands of warnings that the marriage is headed for a crash, though we often see where at least one partner seems completely bowled over when the debris from the crash piles up in front them.
Just in case you aren’t the best at picking up on when things are amiss, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell has shared some of the common signs that your marriage is on the verge of being derailed.
There is a serious breakdown in communication
When there is a serious breakdown in communication and no one is prepared to take the higher ground, this spells doom. Communication is one of the single most important components of a relationship and if this is absent, then you might as well call it quits.
You both play the blame game
When one or both partners begin to blame each other for the problems in the relationship and no one is prepared to take any responsibility for his/her actions, then there is no doubt that you are not in the spirit of partnership. Someone has to learn to be the bigger person in a relationship and both of you must learn how to compromise. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that we were wrong and working to improve on areas of weakness.
Constant emotional abuse
You wouldn’t believe how the same person that was sugar, baby, darling, my love, mi boonoonus can become dutty gyal, wukliss boy, low life, good-for-nothing trash. When there is constant emotional abuse, including name-calling and verbal put-downs, then whether you are willing to accept the truth now or not, there is really no way a person can remain genuinely in love with someone who speaks down to and treats them so poorly.
Making decisions without the input of your spouse
Nothing spells doom like when life-changing, unilateral decisions are made that will affect the couple’s finances. For example, when a car is purchased or monies are invested in a project, or a debt is paid, especially in the case where finances are shared. This breaks trust. Often the reason it is done behind the back of the partner is that the other partner knows that they would be met with some opposition and usually for a logical reason. They should, however, know that while they may get a free pass, these actions are considered an act of betrayal and some spouses will never stand for it.
Loss of respect
A marriage without respect is like bread without yeast. When one or both parties lose respect for each other and continuously wash their dirty linen in public, they really have given up on their union. They have resorted to pettiness and would much prefer trying to outdo each other in the public space rather than going to counselling and working through their problems.
The passion, intimacy, and commitment no longer exist
If the passion, intimacy and commitment go out the door, the relationship is dead. Intimacy is considered the glue to every relationship. And, if you can feel comfortable not being close to, not spending time with, not supporting, not nurturing your spouse, then it sends a message that your interest is no longer there. No man, woman or couple can survive if they do not find a way to rekindle the flame and breathe life into these components.
They drift apart
In a relationship, taking each other for granted is dangerous. When this happens, you begin to drift apart and outgrow each other. You no longer see gratitude in being kind to each other — just saying thank you and please or you are welcome. You forget about dates and neglect planning things that your spouse likes. The small things in a relationship have the ability to wreak havoc on the union.
