‘He told his friends to tell me he died’

THERE’S no one answer to explain away the ghosting phenomenon, and anyone can find themselves reeling from the pain and hurt that comes as a result of having a love interest disappear without a trace.

For Tasha C, the deceit is so real that she told All Woman she will get back at the individual no matter how long it takes.

“I have been single for a while and I told a guy I met that I did not want to be bothered, and explained in detail why I’d rather a “hi-and-bye” type of relationship than even a friendship. Anyway, he persisted and we became friends. I would text him often, he would respond. We spoke about every single thing — our life goals, ambitions, why we chose our careers. Then, of course, we started talking about hanging out more and I got so invested that I considered a dating relationship, especially since he was a Christian, from a Christian home, and we shared similar values. We even discussed hanging out and getting to know each other better when time permitted. Then he stopped talking to me mid-conversation on social media one day.

“I thought maybe he just got busy, after all his job as a soldier is demanding. But hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. I sort of forgot about it until I saw a picture posted by a girl I went to school with. When I asked her where she was she got so happy and told me she had met up with her man of many years and she was happy to be reunited with him. I didn’t mention that I knew him too. For me it was a reinforcement of how dishonest people can be and how people will keep up façades. But the truth always comes forward.”

Below five other women tell All Woman their stories of being ghosted (or ghosting someone), catfished or led astray.

Alexia H:

I did the disappearing. I dated a guy for over a year and we finally got intimate and it was truly disappointing. I couldn’t find a non-hurtful way to tell him, and no matter how I taught him, I could never fix his sexual issues. I spoke to him up to 11:00 pm one day, and the next day I was on a plane. I was gone for six months and didn’t tell him I was leaving. I just learnt that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Daniel-Ann W:

A guy who worked for us ghosted us. This girl who he had told us was a stalker came to pick up his bag at the office one day after he “disappeared”, and when I opened the bag there was a large amount of cash in there. She told us the guy had left the island, but when we checked he never left the country. So we got the police to follow her and they called us because she went back to his home. I kid you not, the police circled the house with guns and raided it, and he was inside. We all thought she had murdered him! But it turns out that he just didn’t feel like coming back to work but never wanted to tell us.

Melissia S:

When I was 18 and gullible, I fell in love with a man over the internet. This man was so hot, like movie star hot. Anyway he planned to visit, and was to pick me up at a certain location. I was there texting him, but couldn’t find him. Then I got a call where he described the car he was driving. While he was talking to me and I looked and it was an old man. I was catfished. He had used his younger pics. No wonder we had never video chatted. That was a lesson and a half. Thinking back though, at that age so many things could have gone wrong when I agreed to meet up with a strange man.

Wendy-Ann Y:

I dated a man some years ago whom I thought was honest. Two years into the relationship I remember getting a call that he wasn’t well and was hospitalised. I asked the person when I could go visit him and I got a date, but when I called them back I was told that he was discharged. When I tried to make contact to go see him, I kept getting excuses.

Later on he resurfaced, then I heard that he broke his leg. I saw him once and his leg was in a cast. Then a few months passed and I heard he was in the country with relatives, then I heard he had died. I was not informed of any funeral arrangements and I thought that was an odd and hard way to lose someone you love.

I eventually got married, and last year I was with my daughter at the hospital and I saw a child running around. The child was the spitting image of my “dead” ex. I was playing with her and kept asking where her parents were — I was just being friendly. Then the little girl blurted out, “Daddy, why yuh hiding?” Then she tugged at my hand and said her daddy was playing hide-and-seek. My husband was there with us so I got up and went with the little girl. I figured that she was ill and still wanted to have fun, so I played along. But lo and behold, there he was, in living flesh. He told me not to look so astonished. When he finally started explaining, he said he never knew what he wanted at the time so he left Jamaica and told his friends to tell me he died. I told him the easier thing to do would have been to just break it off.