When it’s time to cut your losses and move on

THE compelling forces of love coupled with the extensive investments, including money, time and energy can influence a person’s decision to remain in a toxic, unhappy, unfulfilling relationship. And while it may be hard to unearth the strength to let go of these relationships for various reasons, including the value of your investments, if children are involved, or fear of being alone, sex therapist Dr Sydney McGill said that there are some instances that indicate that there is no hope of salvaging your broken relationship.

Below he shares a few negative characteristics and habitual behaviours that indicate that you need to cut your losses and move on.

Your partner abandons you when you need them most

Your partner is never there for you when you need them most. They make excuses and try to avoid you when you are going through difficult life situations such as when you are experiencing severe illness, giving birth, having a financial downturn or have lost family members. They are not only physically absent, but fail to extend themselves emotionally which leaves you feeling hurt and alone. There is no need to suffer through this additional pain when you are already hurting.

Your partner is having unprotected sex outside of your relationship

Not only does your partner cheat, but they have unprotected sex with people outside of the union and you don’t have an open relationship. They are not remorseful and only pretend to be regretful about the fact that they brought home sexual-related infections or diseases. They obviously have absolutely no respect for you and do not care for you enough to ensure they protect you against these.

Your partner is a chronic liar

Not only is your partner a chronic liar, but they are dishonest and have ruined any semblance of trust that you had for them. When they continuously break your trust it is a signal that your partner does not care about you or the effects of their actions on you.

Your partner is abusive

No matter how much you love your partner, once they become abusive, whether this is physical or emotional, it is your cue to let go. A threat of physical harm or to kill you should be acted on immediately, but you must be careful to get assistance with finding a safe way to get out. Also, never believe it when they say it won’t happen again because as seen in many cases of abuse, once they start they never stop until you leave or someone ends up dead.

Your partner speaks negatively about you

Not only do they speak down to you and criticise what you do, the way you look or how you go about doing things to your face, but they will share same with just about anyone that will listen. It is obvious that you will never be able to satisfy such a person so what are you really holding on to?

Your partner forces you to do things you don’t want

They force you to do things against your will like drinking, gambling, changing the way you look, or getting intimate with them even when you feel unwell or are just not in the mood. They’re basically expressing dominance and are making it clear who is in control. This is not a relationship — they see you as a piece of property.

You continually get calls and texts from your partner’s lovers

You just can’t catch a break — as soon as you think all is well another of your partner’s lovers texts or calls you to berate you and your partner does nothing to stop it. Instead, you are accused of making up stories and warned to mind your own business.

Your partner spends little or no time with you

Your relationship lacks intimacy. Your partner spends a great deal of time with other relationships, such as other lovers, outside children and friends that are strangers to you, yet they make excuses when you plan romantic dates and dinners, even when it’s at home.

You have to force your partner to care

Unfortunately, not because you love and care deeply for your partner means they feel the same about you. You find yourself having to force your partner to do something for you, you always have to be the one saying ‘I love you’, you have to ask several times for your partner to support you on important days, and they forget important life events such as birthdays and anniversaries.

You have to change who you are around them

You have to pretend to have a different personality to accommodate them. Not only is it exhausting, but you will be unhappy if you continue to allow this person to dictate who you are while you continue to suppress your awesomeness. You should never have to hold who you are hostage to please anyone and you will also later find out that it’s only a matter of time before you will start resenting yourself.