Are your boyfriend’s exes as “crazy” as he says?

SOME people are unlucky in love, but no one person has all the ill luck in the world. However, if you were to gobble up all the stories that your boyfriend has been feeding you about his exes, then you would swear someone cast “the spell of crazy exes” on him. But just in case you are a little suspicious of the narrative that he has been spinning, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell has whipped up a couple of telltale signs that your “perfect” boyfriend’s exes aren’t actually as “crazy” as he says.

Could he actually be the one that is nuts? This is so if:

1. They all complain about his self-centredness and lack of emotional connectedness in the relationship.

2. They are all the ones who “dumped” him — Every woman who has dated him ended the relationship with him because they could not sustain a relationship with him. They all have similar stories which formed their decision to cut all ties with him. However, he is likely to have twisted the story in his favour and may even tell you that he had to end things to protect himself.

3. He says they are all crazy — Not one of the nearly half a dozen girls he dated had their sanity intact. He makes them out to be cruel, insensitive, jealous, obsessive women, but unless he is dating women straight out of a psych ward then it’s highly unlikely that he dated six crazy women. In fact, the only common denominator in these relations seems to be him.

4. They all regard him as a serial cheater — All his girlfriends sing the same tune — he cheats continuously and he is unapologetic about it even though his lips tried to convince them otherwise. He, however, tries to present himself as a decent, faithful person even though the women can provide evidence of his leading a double life at different intervals in their relationships.

5. By your estimation, the women seem fine — You may not have met all of them, but those you have met or who your friends know or are acquainted with seem to be decent people. The only person who seems to see very ugly personalities is your boyfriend and while in all fairness some people are deceptive and may be masterful at hiding their wacky sides, it’s unlikely all his exes are the way he says.

6. He is the only one who knows of these “crazy” instances — Nobody can verify any of the stories that he told you about his exes, no matter whom you bring them up with. In fact, the story that you get when you speak with his close friends or family members paints him as the manipulative aggressor.

7. They all say he plays the blame game — He does not take responsibility for his actions. They all say that he is incapable of being remorseful and often deflects his actions to something trivial that you may have done or tries to blame you for his actions or something he may have uttered. He always makes himself out to be the victim and even expected his exes to accept responsibility for his actions.

8. He has suggested that you are crazy as well — He might not have quite uttered the big C word, but he has been dancing around it, even using synonyms sometimes. What is obvious though is that he has a set of criteria for labelling people as crazy and it is likely to be just about anything you do or say that he does not approve of.