Signs that your child is unhappy with a caregiver

AS a parent, it is natural to feel as if no one can care for your child as well as you can. It is even natural to be a bit wary of the caregivers who take care of your child when you are not around, whether it’s a relative, babysitter, or staff at your baby’s daycare centre. It is especially important to be vigilant when you have a baby or toddler who is not yet able to tell you in words how they are treated in your absence.

Shereen Allen-Jacks, principal of Little Thinkers Kindergarten and Day Care, shares some warning signs that your child will give you to show that he/she is not happy with a caregiver and is probably not being treated well.

The child does not want to go to the person

“Even though the baby cannot talk yet, you can tell when the baby doesn’t trust someone, especially if this happens after the child is used to them,” she said.

While stranger anxiety and separation anxiety peak in toddlerhood, a child usually warms up to a new caregiver after a week or two. If after this adjustment period your child is still not fond of the person, it might mean that he/she is not very kind towards your baby.

The child is reluctant to take items from the person

“Babies are not stupid. If they are afraid of someone, they will be afraid of whatever they are trying to give to them,” Allen-Jacks said.

If your caregiver says that the baby doesn’t want to eat and you know that you have a little foodie, it might be that the child doesn’t trust the caregiver enough to eat from him/her. Also, if you see that the baby refuses to take things from the caregiver in your presence, it might be that your child is not used to receiving toys or objects from the person while you are away.

The child cries when you mention the caregiver’s name

Saying the name of a caregiver at home might spark bad memories for the child, and you might notice that they either become angry, sad or withdrawn whenever you talk about the person. While it doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is bad, it shows you that the child is not comfortable with him/her.

The child acts suspicious when it’s time to use the bathroom

“Especially with babies who are being potty-trained, some ‘aunties’ will be very stern with them when they want to ‘go’ and will sometimes even force them to urinate or defecate at a certain time,” Allen-Jacks said.

She said this causes the child to become sad when they actually want to ‘go’ on their own, and they might even hold it in until they get home, where they are more comfortable.

The child becomes fearful if you lift your hand

“If the child is being flogged by someone, you might not see physical marks, but you will notice that the child is frightened if you hold your hand up suddenly,” Allen-Jacks said.

This might also be the case if you raise your voice. It is normal for them to be apprehensive if they think they are in trouble, but if you notice that your child is suddenly overly fearful, it might be a sign that they are being abused.

The child becomes sad at mealtime or snack time

“Some caregivers eat the children’s snacks or sometimes won’t let them eat when they are hungry,” Allen-Jacks said. “This makes them sad at mealtimes, and they will sometimes bow their heads if you offer them a snack that they usually enjoy.”

The child acts out certain scenes

“Even if they can’t tell you what’s going on, if you pay attention they will show you,” she said.

Children communicate through play. Even when playing alone and saying incomprehensible words, the child might get angry at toys and hit them, or shout at objects. If this is not something that you practise in your home, it’s a clear sign that he/she is being exposed to this behaviour elsewhere.