Failure to launch
WHETHER you’re getting busy for the first or 100th time, most people anticipate a good time. Unfortunately, some experiences in the bedroom turn out to be far less exciting than anticipated — awkward, and in instances even devastating. Is there an intimate experience that you wish you could completely erase? You’re not alone — seven people shared with All Woman their worst experiences in the sack.
Shevvy, 21, university student:
This guy was so lame that I had to fake it just to speed him up so he could get it over with. He didn’t have any rhythm, he didn’t talk. The man reminded me of my driving instructor — half zombie-like. To this day I am still stressed out about it.
Haile, 37, beauty consultant:
I got my menses mid-action and my boyfriend at the time freaked out. He called me all kinds of ugly names, even though he knew that this was nature’s way. The worst thing was that he said he needed to “finish”, so he whipped out a condom even though I was grossed out and embarrassed.
Gabby, 28, customer service representative:
Literally, as soon as he started he was finished. This man had got me hyped up and ready! He apologised and everything and I gave it a while, then we tried again. This time there were launching problems again, and I just told him I needed to go for my son so I couldn’t stay any longer. It was a complete waste of my time.
Steffany, 33, research assistant:
So many things happened, but I would say that what took the cake is when I fractured my ex’s member while trying to “One Drop” on his ding-a-ling. It wasn’t just embarrassing at home; this embarrassment followed us to the hospital. I still can’t laugh about it yet, but one day, I guess.
Denise, 43, insurance agent:
I once got intimate with a guy who had more body fluid than I was comfortable with. He was sweating all over me — I am telling you, like a sprinkling shower — and when he was peaking he literally drooled all over me. It was pretty nasty.
Macy, 28, customer service representative:
The first time we were getting busy, he called me his ex’s name. I forgave him because at the time he was newly single, but it’s something that I can’t forget. The worst part is that he did it at least three times.
Sashana, 23, front desk receptionist:
I got so into it that I completely lost my mind. I jumped off the bed and I was so embarrassed that I crawled under the bed and stayed there a while until he came down there. We laughed it off, but to this day my belly feels funny when I remember it.
