I want out of my marriage
Dear Counsellor,
I have been married for 11 years now to a man I have been with for 17 years. He has trust issues and if I ask him for money for the bills or for the kids it’s a big problem. I have three children for him and it has been a stressful time for me especially with the teenagers.
I see my husband on weekends and even then all we do is have sex. The sex has got tired and old. He sleeps and we do not talk. Everything to do with the kids lies on my shoulders. We do not go out and I do not even know where he lives when he is not with us. He has not asked me to visit even though I have asked him time and time again. I want out of my marriage. I am a Christian and have been praying but I need some answers.
It appears that your husband is of the belief that your role as his wife is to satisfy his sexual needs and nothing else. Unfortunately there are some men who hold this view and relegate their partners to that of objects of sex relief and so there is little or no emotional connection.
So your husband works away from home in the week and comes home on weekends and instead of providing you with the emotional support you need, he prefers to connect with you on a physical level just to satisfy his own needs while ignoring yours. Such a selfish approach in relationships is a sure recipe for marital breakdown.
Not only is Mr Mention not supporting you emotionally, but he is also missing in action as far as the welfare of the children is concerned, leaving the financial burden on you. One can understand and sympathise with you as you experience a sense of despair and frustration.
Before you consider exiting the marriage, I would encourage you to try and have a face-to-face, heart-to-heart talk with your husband, sharing with him your feelings of frustration in the marriage and family life. Indicate to him that the children need his physical presence even for a few hours on the weekend. Instead of staying home you could probably plan a family picnic to go to the botanical gardens just to build the family bond.
Don’t give up on the idea of you both going out and spending some time together. Tell him that you are purchasing tickets to go see a play on the weekend when he comes home and you would appreciate if he makes himself available to share the evening with you.
If for some reason he is resistant, then you may need to suggest to him that you both seek counselling intervention. He may need to know that the future of the marriage is dependent on his decision to join you or not in trying to salvage the marital relationship.
As a Christian you can’t underestimate the power of prayer, so do continue to keep the faith and remain a good role model of resilience and fortitude for your children to emulate despite your marital challenges.
All the best to you.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to agapemft@gmail.com. Check his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/MFTCounselor/.
