‘He said that his ex wanted the beatings’

JAMAICAN men have been notorious for the rhetoric that women, and in particular their exes, are “crazy”. In fact, this sexist descriptor appears quite frequently on a man’s famous list of things to give as the reason when things go sour in a relationship. And often, he is just spinning the rhetoric in his favour to make the other woman look bad, something that is often repeated when he moves on to woman number three and four and five.

While many women are able to recognise the “crazy” speech for the desperate lie that it is, others will tell you that their men were clever enough to take another spin to the argument, and find other creative ways of making their exes look like the ones who wronged them.

What is the craziest thing that a man has ever told you about another woman? All Woman readers share some of these.

Natalie, 37, business development manager:

He said that his ex, whom he was able to stay with for almost four years, wanted the beatings and the rough treatment because Jamaican women only know how to act right when they get a 2×4 board across their face! I made it clear to him that I was not a typical Jamaican woman, but I didn’t stay around to find out if I would enjoy having my face punched in as this other woman did.

Heather, 41, postal service worker:

I had a man tell me once that Jamaican women (referring to his ex as well) love to walk around “collecting pickneys for men”, then live off what the men give to the children as a pension. I agree that I see a lot of single women with children by a few different fathers, but I find it hard to believe that this is intentional.

Latoya, 26, teacher:

He told me that his child’s mother wanted him so badly, that she had pinned a “jacket” on him, and he had been exonerated by the court. For a long time I thought the woman was wicked, and equally berated her. But when we were applying for a mortgage together I saw his payslips, and saw deductions to the family court. He was indeed the father, had been forced to pay child support. I eventually contacted the mother, who told me that despite the fact that he had visitation he never visited the child, had stalked her after their break-up to the point where she had to get a protection order, and had told her that since she refused to be with him, he would have nothing to do with their child. He’s my ex now, but I can only imagine what he has told his new wife about me.

Janice, 45, herbalist:

My husband told me that Jamaican women thrive on the idea of meddling in other people’s relationships. He said that it’s the “in thing” — and women actually go out of their way to force themselves on men and into people’s relationships because apparently hitting things off with a single man is no longer sexy. I still can’t believe it.

Gwen, 47, caregiver:

The craziest thing a man has told me about his ex-woman is that she was OK with him not just cheating, but staying at the house of the woman he got pregnant most of the time, while she basically took care of the family home and everything domestic. And she was a bright woman so she even still did the internal auditing for his business. He has said other things that suggested low self-esteem on the part of other women, for example, that Jamaican women only want to see a decent car and get taken to KFC or any other local fast food restaurant to give up the goods. I am wondering if that’s how Jamaican men in general think of us and are our standards this low.

Jen, 24, student:

He said his girlfriend before me (and his child’s mother) had a loose vagina. I laughed, but I keep thinking about it. Like what if he thinks mine is loose too? I just don’t think that’s something you should talk about with anyone. It makes you look bad as a person.