Can your man have a female best friend?

A good relationship with your partner’s best friend is sometimes critical to the longevity of your relationship. After all, being friends with the bestie secures your spot in his circle, and you have an ally who can pass on messages indirectly on your behalf. Women, when measuring up their men’s best buds, usually prefer one who respects her role in the man’s life, can crack a good joke at the man’s expense, and takes candid shots of the couple without being asked.

While those qualities are negotiable, though, there is one characteristic that can make or break the relationship for many women – the best friend must be a man.

But what if the bestie isn’t of the male species? These women tell whether they would be OK with their men having another woman as his best friend.

Kashine, 24, front desk manager:

Yes. My man can have a female best friend especially if they are coming from far. Once there is no funny business, I don’t see where there should be a problem. But if, for example, everytime he is supposed to do something for me and he keeps putting me off for her, then that becomes a problem.

Karen, 42, bartender:

In my book, no. First of all men can’t be trusted. They don’t have self-control. A best friend is one you’re closest with, therefore you share happiness, sorrows and so on, even relationship woes. This will lead to her comforting him. They they won’t even remember that they are just best friends at that point. I don’t trust it.

Shantay, 25, reporter:

No, he cannot have a female best friend. I’m supposed to be his best friend. He can have female friends, yes, but he must not be too friendly with them.

Stephanie, 31, field researcher:

Yes, my man can have a female best friend. Why? Because I have a male best friend and I know there is no form of attraction or relationship intent other than friendship. My reaction to my man having a female best friend was one of concern initially, but after knowing the best friend and understanding the dynamics of their relationship, there was nothing to worry about.

Natalia, 26, lifeguard:

I never used to have a problem with, but I realise men love to use the best friend card when they want to cheat on you in your face. An ex told me that he had a girl best friend, and I thought OK that’s fine, since I have platonic male friends. So I didn’t care so much about him always talking to her and stuff in my presence. After nearly a year I saw the ‘best friend’ post some things on social media that only someone with relationship issues would post, even though he said she was single. That got me suspicious. A little checking around revealed that he told her I was his best friend too. Never again.

Chrissy, 35, hairstylist:

If you are going to have another woman as a best friend, why do you need me then? Sex? They always say you should marry your best friend. Clearly that ain’t gonna be me, so I’m gonna take myself away and go find a male best friend to marry.

Payton, 24, student:

I want to say it would be OK, because I’m not the jealous type, but it just looks like unnecessary trouble in the relationship. There are so many avenues for that to cause problems, even if its not directly linked to the person herself, but just the fact that you have a female best friend. If I feel neglected, I’m going start thinking of your female best friend. If we have problems, I might think you shared them with her. If you lie to me about anything, it will cause me to question if you lie about your relationship with her. I think as women we naturally compare ourselves with other women, and so if you seem to have another woman on a pedestal then there will be conflict.

— Candiece Knight