Stalker mode: ‘I would dial her number just to listen to her voice’
THE Netflix TV series You outlines just how far someone is willing to go in the name of love, and obsession. In the show a bookstore manager becomes obsessed with one of his clients, and stalks her social media. He uses technology to keep track of her whereabouts and targets anyone or anything he feels is in the way of their perceived romance.
Many Jamaican women have stories of men who showered them with attention in the early stages of the relationship, which soon grew into an abnormal preoccupation with their whereabouts and their acquaintances. These obsessive behaviours sometimes get worse when the women ask for space, or when the relationships end.
We asked men if they have ever been so infatuated with a woman that they went into stalker mode, and what was the outcome. Here are their responses
Trenton, 28, barber:
In high school I had my first girlfriend, and I won’t lie, I used to stalk her. She was in a different class and I would hang out in her class all the time. I was just so in love with her, and worried that she would start talking to somebody else. It reached a point where she said that she needed a break because she wanted some space. I couldn’t manage it. I called her with people’s phones, I stalked her on Facebook, and sat in the bushes near to her house sometimes, but I never threatened her or anything like that. I just wanted her to see me. Eventually I realised that there are other girls out there.
Ed, 40, photographer:
I was in my 20s and was in it deep with this one girl who obviously didn’t share my feelings, because after one argument she dropped me and disappeared. We didn’t even have a chance to go over the relationship and discuss what went wrong. Well, you know how Melissa Etheridge sings about basically stalking in Come to my Window? I would call her number just to listen to her voice and hear her breathe. This went on for a while, and when she changed her home number, I would call her at work. I now realise how creepy that made me.
Mike, 32, entrepreneur:
I wouldn’t say stalk, but I lurked around a little after a three-year relationship ended. It was sudden, and I just couldn’t understand what went wrong. I would still go by her family and pretend like we were good, and turn up at her gate at random times to see if anyone else was there. I even left food and other gifts at her doorstep without her asking. I stopped doing all of that when she called me crying, asking me to just leave her alone. I honestly didn’t think it was that serious. I just missed her and wanted her back.
Kem, 24, student:
I never physically stalked a girl but I had a fake Instagram account that I used to keep track of all my exes’ whereabouts — not out of obsession so much but out of curiosity. I just wanted to see what they were up to, because I guess I still cared about them. I’m not sure exactly when I stopped, but I haven’t logged into the fake account in a while.
Courtney, 26, writer:
I was in love with one of my high school teachers. She lived in my scheme so I would see when she left out with her husband. I used to wait until I saw them coming to leave out of my house, so sometimes they gave me a ride to school. I followed her on social media, and even walked by the staff room at school to see what she was up to. Looking back, it was so pathetic, but I felt like she was unhappy in her marriage, and one day she would see that I cared about her. Eventually I left for university and got over it. They are still married.
John, 41, real estate agent:
I’m a serious man, and I expect that when I invest in a relationship I should be able to hold the other person accountable. I’m not going to hold anyone against their will but I will ensure that all methods are tried before just giving up. If that means calling her repeatedly until she decides to have a rational conversation about why she is upset, then I don’t see anything wrong. Besides, from my experience, a lot of women find it romantic when they see you trying hard to keep them. Sometimes they just pretend to leave to see if they matter enough for you to come running after them.
