When men cry

MANY men have been conditioned to believe that in order to maintain their masculinity they have to put a lid on their emotions. We see this being played out in our society every day where parents hammer this stereotype into the heads of little boys who run to them with teary eyes after a fall, and are often told “boys don’t cry”, and men who cry openly after a break-up being ridiculed for showing their emotions.

But of late, more men have been opting not to play into these gender stereotypes by embracing items seen as traditionally female—like wearing pink, closer fitting clothing, and opting for various body piercing. And the responses of these women below might be an indication that they could add wearing their emotions on their sleeves to the growing list of gender stereotypes that should hit the dump.

Terry-Ann, social worker, 35:

I appreciate a man who isn’t afraid to share his vulnerabilities with me; it is very rare. Crying is just another way that we vent or release an emotion, usually grief, regret or sadness, and I want to be there for my partner in his moment of pain and/or regret. I know that sometimes men will “fake it” but I am sure I could discern when this may be the case.

Amelia, tutor, 32:

I am not an emotional person, in fact, I rarely cry. It’s much less likely to see a man crying so I would hope that the reason he gives when he decides to share the reason he was crying is a legit one. All the times I have seen men in my life cry was in response to death. I believe that to be a valid reason.

Sharna, library assistant, 24:

My thing is, we are all humans; some of us may be more in touch with our emotional side than others, but I don’t think the gender of the person should matter. We all go through rough patches and I would much prefer having my man’s pillows being soaked in tears than him developing unhealthy habits such as smoking, gambling or turning to alcohol because sadly I think that so many men look to these to escape their problems because there are so many societal codes about what they can or cannot do.

Krissy, university student, 21:

It all depends on the situation. Nothing is wrong with crying; we are all humans and men have feelings too. I’ve experienced a man crying—it was tears of joy and I thought it was beautiful.

Shamika, police officer, 33:

My husband cried in my presence already—he had lost his job three weeks after losing his son and he felt like God had turned his back on him. He held me tight and I felt tears soaking my blouse. He held me tighter each time he had a gush of emotions and I was happy I could be his safe haven. He was finally grieving and I respected him for allowing himself to be vulnerable and for allowing me to be there for him. When he was through I never again mentioned it and we moved on. I believe that he trusts me more and respects me even more; I have seen it in how much we have bonded and grown and I believe so many men are looking for the sign in their partners that it’s okay to show his emotions in that way.

Timone, teacher, 21:

I’ve experienced men crying on several occasions—some were feeling physical pain, going through a heartbreak, some were at a breaking point in their lives, etc. While I often feel deep remorse for them, sometimes I’m happy to be reminded that they are humans and have emotions too. Many times they are perceived as heartless and insensitive and seeing them cry is just a solemn reminder that they feel too.

Anna-Kay, sous chef, 32:

Big men can cry, yes, you know, if a close family member drops out (dies) or even on his wedding day, fine. But a man must not cry in every situation even if things get rough. It would make him seem like a little sissy.

Sheryl, production manager, 46:

I don’t have a problem with men who cry. I think it’s unfair that society makes them feel like they should suppress that emotion altogether because it means they are weak. They are only human and they feel as well. My child’s father is a crier; he is emotional. He will get like that when he can’t control situations. My present partner, I also realise, is emotional. Our relationship is a long distance one and so he gets emotional after he comes to visit me then needs to leave. I have also seen him cry at his brother’s funeral and when reuniting with his family. I was fine with it on all occasions.

Ren, make-up artist, 25:

I cheated on my first boyfriend, and when he found out he cried for days. I was remorseful; he forgave me and we were together for six years. We broke up recently because he migrated and the long-distance relationship wasn’t working out. Overall though, I don’t have an issue with men crying.

Shanny, sales agent 31:

If they cry too much they are just wicked and there is no remorse for those tears, but you have the ones who may cry only once in a lifetime. I think those are emotional and secretly soft. I’ve experienced both types of men, which is why I can speak on it. They are more common than you think.

Shahinie, nurse, 34:

I have seen men cry and I feel as though they are stronger than society perceives them to be. A man who cries releases some of the feelings that he has bottled up even as far as childhood. It also builds a bond and trust when a male can open up to me in such a vulnerable way. Once the crying does not signify manipulation, I think it is a privilege when my man can find solace in me.