Don’t let your husband stop you from finding your soulmate

THERE are many reasons why people cheat, ranging from being bored when a convenient opportunity presents itself, to dissatisfaction and insecurity in their relationship or marriage. One of the most common reasons for infidelity, though, is to escape. Some people seek to escape an unhappy relationship permanently by being less than discreet about cheating in hopes that their partner leaves when they find out, while others only want to escape temporarily from a stressful or mundane commitment.

Regardless of the reason for initiating an affair, these readers realised that they loved it, and they did not allow their bona fide partners to stop them from being with the love of their lives.

CM, 31, sales agent:

My boyfriend of three years proposed to me in front of his friends so I had no choice but to say yes. When I tried to talk to him afterwards about things that were bothering me, he always shut me down saying I was just nervous and everything would be fine after the wedding. As the wedding date got closer I felt more and more stressed and like I wanted to run away, and I confided in one of his friends one night about my feelings. Before I knew it I was having an emotional affair with this friend, although we never had sex. He was always there to listen to me and cheer me up. I broke things off three weeks before the wedding and drove straight to the friend’s house to make passionate love to him. I have no regrets.

MD, 34, studio engineer:

I just got tired of the stress with my girl, honestly. I didn’t intend to ‘dis’ her, and it’s not that she lacked anything sexually, but after a while we just got so used to each other that nothing felt new anymore. After two years of living together we had a routine for everything — from which days we had sex, to the positions, to even the side of the bed we slept on. It still felt good but it was boring and if I tried to switch things up she would huff and puff. I met a younger girl at a party with some friends and although she was in a relationship too, she was open to slide. It was exciting and I felt more energised than ever. Eventually my girl found out and things got ugly. She left and I stopped seeing the other girl. My girl eventually came back, more willing to spice things up. I still link the other girl on the low every now and then though.

SF, 29, practical nurse:

My man was cheating and he thought I didn’t know. One day after seeing a message from the girl come in and then watching him come up with a clumsy excuse and leaving within 10 minutes, I decided that I was going to dress up and go to a bar and sleep with the first decent man who was interested in me. What started as a spite fling turned into a long-term thing, and the new man and I are fully dating. I don’t plan to leave my boyfriend because he takes care of me and he doesn’t suspect a thing because he is too busy hiding his side of things.

PG, 25, freelancer:

I just wanted to know what cunnilingus felt like. My man wouldn’t do it so I asked my friend to set me up with her guy friend from med school who was single, just to know what it was like. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would and arranged to meet up with the guy again a second time behind my friend’s back. Soon it became a weekly thing, or whenever we could meet. It was the first time I ever felt like I could really let myself go in bed and allow a man to please me without inhibitions. I love my man very much but he just has some archaic views about lovemaking that don’t do it for me.

RP, 42, technical support specialist:

A girl called in late one night with Internet issues and was flirting really heavy on the phone. I couldn’t entertain it because our calls are monitored but she dared me to take her number from her account and Whatsapp her when my shift was done, because she needed to see if I looked as good as I sounded. I didn’t, but I searched for her name on Instagram and saw that she was really hot, so I DM’ed her. Next thing I knew she was coming over when my girl was at work in the daytime every time she got a day off from her job at the hospital. Eventually it faded out and she disappeared on me, but it was fun while it lasted.

Martina, 36, health care practitioner:

I saw a meme the other day — ‘don’t let your husband stop you from finding your soulmate’, and I had to chuckle because this so described my situation a few years ago. I’m a pastor’s child who had got married young, and just a year into the marriage I realised that he was nothing that I wanted. We were so incompatible that I don’t know how we had gone through counselling and dating and neither of us, nor anyone else, picked up on it. But you know, the church is indeed a shackle! Anyway, I knew that the only way I could escape was by leaving Jamaica, and I applied for a scholarship to do my master’s and was successful. It was a teary goodbye filled with false promises, and as soon as I got on campus I started dating again, and I found the love of my life. My husband didn’t even protest when I sent him the divorce papers, because he knew, too, that we were no good together. I have been married to husband number two for six years, and everyday is like our wedding day all over again. My ex husband and I are still great friends, and the only people who were upset were both our parents, and only because of their religious convictions.