Considering dating a man with multiple children? Think again
THESE days, finding a man without children is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But luckily for them, more women are entertaining the idea of dating men with kids. In fact, some women find that seeing a man’s nurturing skills on display is a big turn-on. If you fall in the latter group, don’t let your guard down just yet, especially if the man you are eyeing has multiple children.
Some women who took on the arduous task of dating a few of these men share why you may want to sit on the idea some more before jumping in.
Janice, 39, travel agent:
You will feel like you are competing
Two or three children are fine, but I will never date a man with five to six children again, especially when they are not adults. It was like I was constantly competing for his time and attention. Don’t get me wrong, I admired that he was such a good father to them and I admired his relationship with them, but for me, after a while I wanted the attention, the nurturing, the spoiling, and all that too. I rarely did get this though, and it made me angry and bitter. So I will always respect him, but I cannot feel like a woman when it’s like that.
Dawn, 41, nurse:
He can’t keep it in his pants
If he has multiple children, especially with different women, it does say he is a player. But you know I wanted to believe that he was older and the player days were over. He is a good man — very caring, kind and gentle — and he would make a good partner if he didn’t have wandering eyes. But he cannot keep it in his pants. I have forgiven him twice already, but if he cheats again I am leaving because I don’t want to continue to waste my time with someone incapable of committing to one person.
Shelly, 32, bank teller:
You will not be his priority
You have to just know that plenty emergencies will come up, and your needs will get pushed to the back on several occasions. He might run out on dates (frequently) to respond to the calls of his child(ren), promise to get around to things in the house but never does because he is so stretched, and that time spent for intimacy may seem to him like he is not spending enough time with his children. You know, to me he seemed like he was constantly trying to guilt himself into being ever-present because things didn’t work out with their mom and he wanted them to see that daddy didn’t abandon them. But I felt abandoned and it wasn’t fair to me.
Latoya, 36, teacher:
B abymama drama, and some more
It was just too much oestrogen for me and it felt like they all wanted him back. They were all hating on me, and it was overwhelming. I didn’t appreciate having to compromise with FOUR different women — it was a lot and it’s almost like I had to constantly be resetting myself to deal with them — one at a time. Who wasn’t crazy was needy or lazy or selfish and I felt at some point like I was raising these women and it was just too much work.
Georgette, 37, auditor:
It’s hard
Balancing the issues that you will face with the moms, the children, your man, the relationship — it’s hard. Figuring things out will be difficult — a lot of decisions will be centred around the kids, a lot of resources will go into their care and plans for their education, and your man might not want other kids. I left the relationship not because there was no love, there was plenty of it, but my partner couldn’t get up and leave as he wanted to. His responsibilities were great and I was not ready to be hunkered down.
