He says I’m no longer his “fit”
DEAR DR MITCHELL,
I have been with my boyfriend for seven years and he has been my only sexual partner. We have a four year old who I gave birth to vaginally. Lately, he has been complaining that I am not “tight” enough and that I’m no longer his “fit”. He has now been accusing me of cheating because of this even though I have not. What do you think could be the cause of this sudden “stretching”?
Vaginal wall laxity is a common complaint after having a vaginal birth. This tends to be even more common if you have delivered a big baby or if you had assisted vaginal delivery with forceps or a vacuum. In some women vaginal tears can be extensive with associated damage to the pelvic floor, resulting in lax vaginal walls. Prolonged pushing in the second stage of labour can also result in damage to the laxity of the pelvic and vaginal walls. The problem can become more pronounced with multiple vaginal deliveries.
The important thing to do to reduce the problem that you experience is to practice your Kegels to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. This involves contracting and relaxing the vaginal wall muscles at least 60 times, three times per day. You should get an examination done by your gynaecologist to determine if your vaginal walls are actually lax. The problem might not be real laxity in your vaginal wall muscles but more of a relationship problem. Your spouse seems to have insecurity issues and this would explain why he is now blaming you for having external relationships. You both need to have counselling done and work on establishing a better relationship.
If you actually have true vaginal wall laxity that does not respond to pelvic floor exercises, then surgery can be done to tighten the vaginal walls and help to resolve the problem.
Consult your doctor who will advise you further about getting some counselling and also to determine whether you need to have any surgery done.
Best regards.
Dr Sharmaine Mitchell is an obstetrician and gynaecologist. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Ave, Kingston 5; or fax to 876-968-2025. All responses are published. Dr Mitchell cannot provide personal responses.
DISCLAIMER:
The contents of this article are for informational purposes only, and must not be relied upon as an alternative to medical advice or treatment from your own doctor.
