Fools rush in
SOME people carefully navigate the journey to marriage, not caring how long it takes as long as the decision comes with the necessary forethought and planning. Others, engulfed in the magical bliss of newfound love, family or societal pressure, would have raced there without giving their relationships sufficient nourishment or time to mature. The end result for many who fall in the latter category? Doom.Phillip, 30, carpenter/business owner: Kirkland, 27, teacher: Troyanne, 36, medical personnel: Jermaine, 25, poultry farmer: Stephanie, 29, brand manager:
A few All Woman readers who regret having rushed into marriage so young have shared why you may want to reconsider exchanging those vows if you are not sure you are ready to commit, or if your hand is being forced.
Sadly, many churches condemn divorce, but as soon as two members are interested in each other they push them into marriage. I don’t think we got ample time, but my girlfriend got baptised and she didn’t want to shack up anymore. I did love her and so with her talking and talking I just said all right. Things are not working out too well now, so it’s like our hands are tied. We do counselling and all of those things, and they don’t want her to divorce, but we’re just not seeing eye to eye anymore. I still love her very much, but she is not the woman for me and I think she is not feeling me anymore either.
I got married for papers — you know, my mom said I needed to do it and I would eventually love her because she was a good person. I didn’t love the woman, but I ended up getting her pregnant twice. I love my children but I think that I should have thought things through more carefully. They said maybe I would grow to love her, but that’s just not happening and I resent my mother because she was just licky licky.
I regret having allowed my mother to force 20-year-old me into marriage because she could not provide the things that my husband could. She failed to realise that those opportunities would come at a price and they did. He took my freedom and dangled opportunities and money and essential supplies in front of me like a master training a pitbull with a cut of meat. He isolated me, even from her. He sent me to school, but if he couldn’t pick me up he would arrange a ride, and if I needed a few minutes in the library or for a group meeting I could expect a couple fists to meet my lower abdomen whenever we would meet next — because of course he thought I had to be cheating. Being married to that man for 14 years of my youth aged me; I was drained. I was his possession. His death was my escape. I’m still working on forgiving my mother and everyone else, including myself, for tying myself to a man I barely knew because he had money.
I got my girlfriend pregnant. She was 17 and I was 18 at the time. To take the shame out of our parents’ eyes, they forced us to get married because according to them it was the right thing to do and we should give our children the gift of being born into wedlock. We liked each other and liked being with each other, but as we matured and were living together we realised that we were two very different people. I think we both silently regret getting tied down so early, but we just don’t want to say it to each other.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I regret getting married because I loved him very much, and I still love him. But I wish I had waited instead of jumping the broom in my early 20s. We were both young and just completed our studies in university, not knowing where our careers would take us. His job causes him to spend more time overseas than at home, and I get lonely. I have also met many people since then and I can’t help but think what if I had waited and found a better match.
