Bigger isn’t always better, and other myths debunked

IF you have ever played a game of Chinese telephone you will know that any message that is passed along by whispers will become distorted somewhere along the line. Sex, which has probably been the most hush-hush topic to ever have been discussed by humans, is no different.

While we are pleased that with the advancement of science and communication several of the most ridiculous myths that have been passed on for centuries have been put to rest, there are still a few lingering myths on the topic. Here in Jamaica we cling tightly to some of these, and frankly, it’s about time we let them go.

We’re sure you have heard, or perhaps even believed, at least one of these myths before. Some of them might be close to the truth, but they are simply not true.

Friction is normal

Not only does friction cause unnecessary pain during sex, but it is not healthy. When fully aroused most women produce enough vaginal lubrication for a slippery, snug fit. If this does not happen naturally, it could very likely be that she is not in the mood which can be remedied by more foreplay, or a cosmetic lubricant if necessary. A condition called vaginal atrophy could also be at play, as Dr Kimberly Martin explains.

“Patients with this condition may experience vaginal dryness during daily activities, and decreased lubrication during sexual activity, painful intercourse, vulvar or vaginal burning, itching, irritation, vaginal discharge and even bleeding,” the consultant obstetrician/gynaecologist says.

Multiple partners will loosen a vagina

While it is true that factors such as ageing, hormonal changes and trauma from childbearing can contribute to the loosening of the vagina, or what doctors refer to as vaginal laxity, there is no evidence to support that sex, regardless of how many partners a woman has had, will have a lasting impact on tension in the vagina. Even in the conditions listed, women may still retain tension by doing kegels, as Dr Sharmaine Mitchell recommends.

“Practice your kegels to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. This involves contracting and relaxing the vaginal wall muscles. You should get an examination done by your gynaecologist to determine if your vaginal walls are actually lax.”

The presence of a hymen proves virginity

Not only are ‘virginity tests’ inaccurate, but they are also unscientific, harmful, and a violation of women’s and girls’ human rights. Many people hold the belief that the presence of the hymen — a thick piece of mucosal tissue that surrounds the entrance to the vagina — can indicate that a girl or woman has not yet initiated sexual activity. While it is true that many women shed this lining at the first point of sexual contact, there are still many more who do not, and still others who shed theirs from doing non-sexual activities. The World Health Organization says, “Appearance of a hymen is not a reliable indication of intercourse, and there is no known examination that can prove a history of vaginal intercourse.”

Penetration alone is enough to get her there

Regardless of how strong you believe your stroke game is, or how many little spasms you feel her having when you’re in there, the truth is that most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm, as numerous studies have concluded. Dr Tatnia Burnett tells Mayo Clinic that, “Although some women experience orgasm with vaginal penetration during sex, most women are orgasmic only during stimulation of the clitoris.” It is very likely that your partner is one of those women who needs to have her clitoris stimulated, so keep some of the action on the outside, fellas.

The bigger the better

While many women will admit to preferring a particular size or shape, it is a common misconception that bigger or longer penises achieve better results. A study published by BMC Women’s Health on women’s preferences actually found that “penis girth was more important to them than length for sexual satisfaction”. While a larger penis may cause more pain during intercourse, especially if there is not enough lubrication, it does not guarantee more pleasure or a faster orgasm. And since there is not much that you can do to change whatever size you’re working with, it’s in your best interest to do some team-building exercises with your member, be confident, and ensure that your woman is stimulated.