The most damaging words

WHEN tempers flare, loose lips are capable of uttering just about anything. Unfortunately, children, no matter how young, are not spared the harsh, emotion-filled and scorching words that sometimes leave their parents’ mouths.

Unfortunately, many parents do not understand the gravity of an untamed tongue and as such are oblivious to the reality that emotional abuse, much like physical abuse, can lead to a child being damaged for a lifetime.

We asked a few people to share some of the most damaging things their parents have said to them, and why no other parent should say it to their children.

“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”

“Comparison is a lethal weapon, it is toxic and it can completely wipe out a child’s self-esteem, self-confidence, values and self-worth. Constantly comparing your child not just to a sibling but another family member, a friend, a friend’s child or just about anyone else gives him/her the feeling that they can never make you happy and that they’re unable to measure up to those who you compare them to. As parents you have to learn to acknowledge the individual strength of your children and help them to develop their gifts and talents rather than trying to force them into a box, or to make them more like someone else.”

— Amanda, 34, nurse

“You’re just like your mother/father”

“This is a common phrase that we hear parents tell their children all the time and sadly, it is not usually used in a flattering way. How it is usually used says that the child is like their father or mother and is lacking in something or has undesirable characteristics. This can hurt, especially in households where a parent makes a habit of religiously speaking badly about the other parent in the presence of the child.”

— Marsha, 37, teacher

“You should have never been born”

This is the cruellest thing to say to your child. This can psychologically and emotionally scar your children for life — telling them that they are a mistake, they ruined your life, you are unhappy that you gave birth to them, among other things. If your child says or does something that brings you so much hurt or pain that you would utter these words, it would be best to remove yourself from the situation until you get calm.

— Jody-Ann, 29, paralegal

“Yuh naa go amount to anything”

This is usually said to children when they are either underperforming in school or are simply not following rules set by the parents. Essentially, this is saying to the child that they will fail at everything in life and they will not become productive members of society. Hearing this one too many times can cause a child to start believing it. Sadly, not enough parents understand the gravity of the spoken word.

— Markwayne, 30, risk management analyst

“You were a mistake”

This is one of those that hit deeply for me and no child should have to go through it. Once you have sex you should always have in the back of your mind the chance of pregnancy. If it happens it means you failed to adequately protect yourself. A child should not have to carry that burden for you, so stop telling them that. If a child doesn’t have the mental strength it can make them want to give up and die, and I know because I have felt both ways before. So parents, even if it’s hard, push through, but don’t blame your child for something they had no part in. It is painful.

— Milly, 43, florist