In flagrante delicto

MOST of us are terrified at the thought of getting caught with our pants down. Others of us, though, enjoy the thrill of getting down and dirty in a place that’s off limits, and actually don’t mind a second pair of eyes viewing our bare-butt quest to satisfy our thirst for gratification.

Naturally, depending on which side of the fence you are on, there will be varied emotions following an encounter where a third party walks in, uninvited, and catches you doing the dirty. We asked a few readers to share their private, turned-public in flagrante delicto experiences.

Jillene, 29, pharmacy technician:

In our last year of college we were at a water party in our home town. I asked my guy to follow me behind the stage where the portable toilets were. The goal was to relieve myself because all the alcohol had made my bladder full. When we got there no potty was vacant so he suggested going further into a corner and I did my thing. He disrobed and did his thing too, I saw him and got excited, one thing led to another, and in the middle of action a bright flashlight hit us. It was the police. We didn’t get into trouble, but my man had to give the cop some money for him to pretend he didn’t see anything.

Tevin, 32, architect:

We were on a summer programme in the US. Shared accommodation was provided and as room-mates we had each other’s backs — that meant affording each other privacy. If one of us was going to get some we would give the other a heads up. I sent my room-mate the text message while he was at work and I didn’t get a response, but I just thought he was busy and would see it at the end of his shift.

About 10 minutes into a good session — honestly the most exciting experience of all my summer fun — I heard the door flung open and my room-mate and another dude from downstairs barged in. The girl didn’t even stop — it’s like her ears were completely shut off. When she was done she slapped me on my head and asked how I could let that happen. Needless to say the guys apologised and I found out my room-mate’s phone had died and so he didn’t see the message. My female friend didn’t judge me though and we had a few more very fun hook-ups before I had to return home.

Steven, 28, software engineer:

If you ever roomed in town as a university student you know how it is — sometimes up to three guys to a room. It’s usually close friends as was the case with me and two other guys. We would take our girlfriends to our place on weekends from time to time. Usually most times we’d get busy in the bathroom which was big, spacious, and luxurious. This particular night, though, I had a little too much to drink and after playing around with my girlfriend a bit I decided I was going to take a risk. I heard my bredrin giggle — he had awoken and was watching our motions beneath the sheet. Needless to say, by late morning I sent her on her way, and my girlfriend who is now my wife still turns red whenever I bring up that aspect of our university days.

Meg, 43, risk management specialist:

I like locking my room door at night but since I have kids, I am conflicted about it. To make sure everyone has privacy though, as part of our family rules we have stressed the importance of knocking and allowing someone to acknowledge you before entering. Late last year our six-year-old had a nightmare and apparently was knocking but in the heat of things and with the music on, he didn’t get a response and just opened the door. Before we could do a dive and cover ourselves he shouted, “Daddy, what are you doing to mom?” I couldn’t even get up to embrace him. Luckily the lights were off and so he didn’t see that much, I think. He climbed up in bed and we told him we were just playing a new game and that daddy wasn’t hurting mommy. He said, “Well mom sounded like she was being hurt, so you shouldn’t play that game.” All I could say was OK, because I didn’t want to be on that topic too long, then asked about the nightmare so we could get past that embarrassing moment.

Diego, 26, promoter:

Some time ago I remember after a party my girlfriend and I were in the car in the heat of things and couldn’t wait. As we changed positions I saw someone — his hands scooped around his face — peering inside my car. I gave him the middle finger and was going to stop but my freaky girlfriend said that I should give him a show, and we did.

Shelley, 27, operations manager:

In upper six I was dating a guy and he invited me to his house. We were there the whole day and on the second go the police broke the door down. They were told by his uncle who was in charge of caring for the property that someone had broken in. It was so humiliating. Turns out the uncle knew it was him, but was just mad at him and wanted to show him that he was in control.