Woman, we have a problem
A man’s virility is a core part of his manhood —we are taught that men are like machines, always pumped, roaring and ready to go. But this is far from the truth, and sometimes their machines just die on them. When this happens, the experience is likely to be both awkward and embarrassing, so much so that some men, in a bid to protect their egos, will go as far as cooking up an excuse or a flat out lie to save face.
Below some men share how they were able to cover up a failure to launch.
Leroy, 57, teacher: I remember one night I was messing around with my wife and she started giving me some good vibes. I was really beginning to get into it and my entire being seemed ready to join the party, then all of a sudden, I flopped. I couldn’t perform no matter how hard I tried. You know what I did? I just tripped myself in the bathroom and bawled out. She ran to me, helped me up and started nursing me. I later found out from my doctor that the diabetes along with the medication I was on was causing it.
Clifton, 34, electrician:
I worked a 90-hour week while employed by a big company some time ago. Sometimes work required me journeying to other parishes and staying there until the project was complete. This time I was in the west and I couldn’t get my mind off my woman —all I wanted is to grab her and give her some healthy loving. When I got home and saw her I was immediately excited, albeit not as immensely as I’d anticipated. I was trying to hold out until the kids went to bed, and I barely did. By that time I was shaking off the sleep, but I just started feeling heavy and numb. To make up for my failures I just started cussing about working so hard and being tired and just wanting to sleep. I felt so bad; I woke up very early the next morning and put in an early shift though.
Craig, 32, soldier:
I met a girl, she was nice looking and everything and the vibe on the phone was good. When I finally got a chance to go out with her, honestly, her breath was unbearable. She was trying to put it on me and everything but I couldn’t even get the vibes — my body would not respond. I told her to just rub my head and said that I would beg my brother to drop her home because my head was killing me. I never linked her up again.
David, 43, police officer:
Drinking, sometimes heavily, is one of my favourite pastimes. One of the things that it does to me outside of making me irrational is that it makes me amorous. But one or two times my guy has failed to show up for the job because I was drunk. When I can’t show up I remind my wife that she doesn’t like me loving on her when I’m drunk.
Jacob, 48, contractor:
Whenever I’m struggling I tell my wife like it is — that it is her cheating that keeps causing me stress and that she is unattractive to me at the time. Before the cheating, I never had trouble, so I know I’m not at fault. These things can mess with your mind and your body.
