How do you feel about your children calling a step-parent mom/dad?
PARENTAL endearments — mom and dad in particular—bear very strong emotional and intimate attachment for parents and children alike. As the number of blended families continues to rise, one issue that many families struggle with is the issue of labels — in particular, should children refer to their step-parents as mom or dad?
The truth is that many biological parents may see their children calling the step-parent “mom or dad” as a threat, especially if the children spend more time with the step-parents. They see it as an infringement on their parent-child relationship. But as this family structure becomes more the norm than the exception, we sought to learn whether parents are still hard and fast on these rules.
Jody-Ann, 28, marketing specialist:
I was in a relationship with my long-term partner for seven years. We have a two-year-old and he has visitation every other weekend. I don’t mind; he is a good dad. He recently moved on and he already allowed her to meet our daughter without saying anything to me. The other day she was on her tablet and they were doing a video call. I suddenly heard him say, ‘guess who is here? Momma #2’. I almost had a fit. I am fine for the most part with the step-parent situation, granted she is decent and my child is safe and so on around her. In all honesty, though, I have not been able to sleep since. It’s not just a label, and I don’t want my child calling every woman you decide to see mom. The worse thing is he would go crazy if I made her call another man daddy.
Pamela, 26, virtual assistant:
Not over my dead body would I want my son to be calling another woman mommy. I don’t even let him call anybody aunty unless they are his real aunts. But that is because I am so active in his life. But if I was to get married and he decided to call my husband ‘dad’ I would let him do it, since his real dad gave up his title.
Garth, 32, construction worker:
I would never be comfortable with my child calling another man daddy. If dem want pickney to call dem suh dem guh have pickney; I would even do a demonstration for them. I am active, very active, in my child’s life. I am there for everything so I don’t see a need for the man to have a name. When I was younger my mom’s husband wanted me to call him daddy — mi run him weh said speed. I already knew who my father was and he was there for me.
Shameika, 35, call centre supervisor:
I am not okay with my children calling their stepfather or stepmother dad or mom, because they already have a mom and dad. Out of respect, I allow them to call them aunty and uncle. The child should not struggle, especially when relationships don’t work out and children are left with that void. Aunts and uncles come and go, mom and dad are forever.
Pat, 30, business owner:
I probably wouldn’t want that but once it’s not forced it would be okay. Her dad and I are no longer together but no man is in my life and if there is a woman in his he has not brought her around our child. If my child is calling someone else mom or dad it means that there is some amount of attachment and trust there, and for a child to be attached to someone like that it means that they must be good to the child, so I wouldn’t have a problem.
Calmar, 35, engineer:
A stepdad is still a dad so I am not opposed to it. I will give my child some amount of flexibility though; it is whatever makes her comfortable.
Tashana, 28, accountant:
No it’s not okay. I don’t want my child calling a second woman mommy. If her dad’s partner was helping to take care of her, then she earns the ‘aunty’ or ‘miss’ title. I am not forcing unnecessary labels on her.
