The real reason he keeps telling you he’s busy
WE all get busy from time to time; it’s a normal part of life. But since the “busy” game —where you frustrate the other party by turning down offers to hook up using the excuse that you are tied up — has become a notorious, polite, put-off tactic in the dating arena, hearing a man say it too often, even while he might be telling the truth, may set off alarm bells since we know this could also be a signal of disinterest.
Do men usually want to say something else when they constantly tell you they are busy after you have reached out to them?
Below men share what it is they really want to say to the women they have strung along with the famous one-line excuse.
Nickwayne, 28, risk management specialist:
A lot of the times men want to say, ‘I’m sorry, but I’m not interested and we’d just be wasting each other’s time if we continue’, or we don’t wish to lead you on. But most of us never say this, not realising that playing with people’s emotions and leading them on can mess with someone mentally and emotionally and that would be much worse than just telling them straight up that it’s just not going to work out.
Michael, 24, soldier:
If I had a second time to fix what I did with the girl I was dating before this, I would probably tell her that our visions didn’t align, I didn’t see her as more than a fling, and that it would be cruel to make her believe anything else. I liked her, but she was just not the woman I wanted to take home to my mom, and right now that is the woman I am searching for.
Carlyle, 37, tailor:
I think a lot of times a man wants to say the relationship is trash. Nobody wants to say it to a woman’s face though.
Leon, 35, architect:
Honestly, if I say I am busy, I am. I don’t believe in beating around the bush. I would rather say baby, this doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out, and once it’s nothing too embarrassing about her I would say it. Most times, to let the woman down easy, I will say, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’, and that I am just not ready for a commitment and just don’t want to hurt her. To sweeten the deal I might say when I get my head on straight I’ll be thinking of her — that may or may not be true.
Dennis, 32, teacher:
I think a lot of us men just want to say that we are not interested. We also want to say woman, take the hint, don’t make me have to spell it out. If I can’t make time for you no matter how busy my days get, it’s likely that I am already making time for someone else or I just don’t want to make time for you. We most times don’t want to say anything because women can get so emotional even if you barely even know them and didn’t make any commitment to them.
