Take these ‘Ls’ and fix your marriage

MANY marriages have hit the dust since the pandemic started, with experts blaming it on people spending too much time together when they were all forced into the work-from-home and quarantine mode, and then realising that they didn’t like their spouses as much as they previously thought.

But it’s not too late to make an effort to fix your marriage before you head for divorce or separation, and if you don’t want to become another statistic, there are some key steps you will have to take.

Counsellor David Anderson says chief among these is first recognising that we’re all flawed, that no marriage is perfect, and then being willing to fully apply the “through thick and thin” mandate to your daily life.

“Once you are willing to work together, there is no challenge that is insurmountable,” Anderson said.

So how do you start fixing your marriage?

1. Listen

Listen when your partner talks, even if you may not be interested in the topic, Anderson said. “So put down the phone, sit for a while, and ask about his or her day, no matter if they were home all day, and you’re sure they were just doing the same old boring things. Let your partner know that you value their thoughts and their opinions.”

2. Learn

Through listening you will learn about your partners interests, likes and dislikes, and you may just be surprised at some new ones that emerge. “No person’s interests are static, and so people will pick up new interests as time goes on,” Anderson said. “That’s why sometimes you’re so surprised when some things happen and you think you knew your partner, and their behaviour comes off as odd. Fact is, you may have known one version of your partner, but just didn’t make an effort to follow-up and learn their new interests… and sometimes it’s a whole new person who picks up on these new interests, and becomes more compatible with your partner than you are.”

3. Let loose

Being stuck in a rut is not just frustrating when it’s a job or something similarly mundane; the same is true for relationships. When you’re stuck in ‘sameness’, you will long for whatever comes along that will excite you. That’s human nature. So you may have got comfortable with the routine, where you do the same exact thing day by day and week after week for your partner and family, but trust us, we all overtly or covertly long for that thrill, and if you don’t let loose and change the schedule up a bit with your partner, your relationship could suffer. So let loose a little, stray from the ordinary and the expected, if you want your relationship to blossom.

4. Leave the past behind

The new year presents the perfect opportunity to leave all that made you unhappy behind, and embrace the possibilities for the future. So turn over a new leaf, forgive and forget, and if you can’t, then you need to reassess why you are where you are. There’s no point in hanging on to old grudges or being unhappy, so if you can’t forgive your partner for whatever wrong they may have committed, and can’t leave the past behind, then it may be the time to face your future separately.