The best of both worlds – Nomonde Donsa finds balance in parenting

NOMONDE Donsa has come a long way from her days growing up in apartheid South Africa with strict parents and a very traditional upbringing. While she proudly celebrates her heritage, the 40-year-old head of marketing at Red Stripe, part of the HEINEKEN Company, has adapted her parenting style to allow her teenage daughter more room for self-expression and a global world view.

“My daughter Andi is experiencing a very different world from the one I grew up in and I am so happy for that,” said Donsa. “I wanted her to know and live in a world where she was free to soar and become all the things she can dream of.”

After leaving home in Durban, South Africa for college in Cape Town, Donsa soon found herself with a new baby, the product of her relationship with her then high school boyfriend. Her family jokingly refers to Andi as her ‘varsity’ baby because instead of taking home a sporting trophy she brought home a beautiful baby girl. However, though very traditional, her family knew that it was more important to support their fiercely independent and strong-willed daughter.

Reinvigorated by the support of her parents, who cared for her daughter while she completed her studies, Donsa got down to the business of planning her life. There was never a moment’s doubt in her mind that she would have a career that would allow her to provide for her family financially. Her driving force was being able to give her daughter opportunities beyond the realities of apartheid South Africa.

“Back in 2005, though I didn’t know it at the time, I was manifesting my international career,” a smiling Donsa quipped, referencing the social media buzz word. Her role at the time was brand manager with responsibility for a portfolio that spanned eleven African markets at Brand House, a joint-venture company of HEINEKEN and Diageo. It demanded extensive intra-continental travel. Andi was still living in Durban with her grandparents, but Donsa started taking her during holidays so she, too, could experience more of the continent.

Those moments together created a deep bond between mother and daughter, and so in 2014 when Donsa landed a career opportunity to work in Zambia, she decided it was time to play a more active role in nurturing her only child.

“Taking on the full-time parenting of a daughter approaching her teenage years was not easy. But I believed it was the right time to make the move,” she reflected.

With a demanding portfolio, Donsa confesses that ‘the full-time mother and career woman balancing act’ was not much of a balance in the beginning. She also had a hard time striking a balance between the traditional values that her parents would have imparted on her daughter and her own parenting style. The two eventually found a rhythm that worked for them and settled into a new dynamic.

Four years later, in 2018, Donsa was afforded another opportunity in Kingston, Jamaica. It was one that her daughter was more than happy to embark on, having developed a deep love for travel no doubt because her mother took her almost everywhere, exposing her to new people and cultures.

Coming from a country she insists is quite like Jamaica, Donsa quickly felt at home in Kingston and jokingly shared that probably the biggest cultural differences were the street parties that started at 1:00 am and the breakfast parties at 5:00 am. “I was so confused at the thought that you had to get out of bed at 10:00 or 11:00 pm to get dressed for a party,” laughed Donsa.

Professionally, the Durban native says coming to work at Red Stripe, based on its company culture, made the relocation much easier than most would anticipate. The company has a strong people and culture agenda that focuses on embracing gender and cultural inclusion and diversity.

For her daughter, despite having to overcome the hurdle of making new friends in a new country, she also found that it was not as hard as she would have thought due to the diverse cultures represented at the American International School which she attends.

Without the pressure and distraction of cultural acclimation, Donsa says she could focus her energy on building her mother-daughter relationship with Andi, who was now a full-fledged teenager.

Embracing mental health, inclusivity, and the social media age

“I actually only recently felt like I was doing a good job at raising Andi at eighteen years old. My style of inclusive parenting opened up the space for Andi to share openly that she truly appreciates how driven and hard-working I am,” Donsa said proudly.

The pandemic has made the mother-daughter duo grow closer because of working from home and homeschooling. When the two are not taking ‘us-ies’ on Snapchat, they are speaking openly about mental health, embracing new people and cultures, and organising charitable donations for the less fortunate.

Donsa encourages women of every age to explore their career options, research opportunities, be openminded and resolute in what they want to achieve for themselves and their family. She cautions that it will be difficult and complex, but firmly believes that if it is truly what you want, then you should go after it.