Bad boys
WELL, you like many, might think no proper-thinking woman would knowingly date a bad man. However, some women do, and love them dearly. I was a bit stunned watching the video that circulated on social media where a Jamaican woman ranted about only wanting to be with a “gunman”. And of course, there’s music that testifies to the delight that some women find in their bad men. I have only recently learnt of that song with the chorus praising the merits of the romantic gunman, and there’s an explanation to this situation, plausible or not. And yes, real consequences there are too.
I’d think a woman might fear getting caught up in the dangerous lifestyle of her beloved bad man. But this is Jamaica, where community dynamics can cause a plethora of what may be illogical choices. Perceived protection from larger, lawless environments can cause women to feel comfortable in the arms of very bad men. A bad man offers ‘protection’ for herself and her family. Are these women wrong to think like this? Some women have experienced brutality at the hands of members of their community, and they’ve found no help, or little help, from the law. They’ve seen fathers killed, daughters raped, sons forced into things that they’d not want to participate in. To these women a bad man might be a helpful hero. She may not label her guy as a ‘gunman’ or ‘bad-man’. She may never see him as a criminal, as the television news says he is. Instead she sees him as a protector and a provider. He is her security and she will do anything to support him.
I spoke with one such young lady. She had not sought to date or fall in love with a bad man, but she fell in love with one, finding out later that he was a well-known, feared gunman. Her comments, “He loved me. So many were afraid of him. He was a don and people were afraid of him. But I wasn’t.”
She continued, “Every night I have to listen to the news. I knew the day would come… And every night after the news I would call him to make sure he’s alive. He was very bright. He wanted to be a criminal lawyer, to defend poor people.” The end of her story, thing that she feared was indeed the closure to their romance — he was slain by the police.
It is fair to think that, like any other woman, a woman in this situation would much prefer to live with security of another kind, protected by the law. They’d not have to worry about doors being kicked in by cops, or by other criminals, but this is their reality. Dating a ‘Shotta-type’ is the answer to tough community dynamics for some well-meaning women. But how quickly a collective in Jamaica can condemn women like that, when we see them on the news screaming in defence of their men who the police have captured or cut down. Many criticise them, not having a clue or genuine care about the conditions they’ve come up under. Conditions create conditions — and often critics have never experienced the conditions of those they criticise. The bad man boyfriend ‘locks-off the lane’ from drive-bys and other incursions by gunmen, and he’s admired by some for it.
However, the story of the lady I spoke with is very often the end story of most women who choose to love bad men. The romance typically ends with tragedy and anguish. Attraction to the bad guy, for whatever reason, never seems to end with, “They lived happily ever after”.
Rev Christopher Brodber is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail him at chrisbrodber@yahoo.com.
