We don’t cheat, say these men in long-term relationships

YOU don’t want to cheat — it’s not your aim, your dream, your goal or your desire, but when you’re in a long-term relationship, everyone expects that there’s no way that you could stay faithful.

“Other married men will come to you and say they can’t be a one burner, your friends will boost you up, and if you don’t stray at least once, people look at you like there’s something wrong with you,” said Teddy, married five years, of what he’s been experiencing.

He was participating in a recent Zoom group session with a group of husbands and singles from a Kingston church family, to discuss marriage issues and keeping the union godly.

Other participants who have been married for up to 28 years, and who insist that they have stuck to one partner, said though it’s difficult sometimes, committing to one partner is not impossible.

“It’s not even that difficult for me,” Teddy posited. “I have never been someone who thought like that, and I can see myself going several decades just interested in my wife only.”

For those in decades-long relationship, how do they feel about intimacy with their partners?

“It’s like riding this faithful old horse — you know what it likes, you know how it will move, and you know it won’t buck you off,” said Lionel, married for 20 years. “I still desire my wife. She’s still the sexiest woman to me and I still want it more than she does.”

Added Bertram, who has been married 28 years, to howls of laugher: “I’m no Denzel, but I make up for what I’m lacking in the face with the waist. My wife can’t complain, and she knows she doesn’t have to share all this with all the other ladies out there knocking down my door.”

The men had one bit of advice in common for ensuring that the spice remains — though things may naturally slow down with time, age and kids, once you love each other on that unexplained level that a couple has to experience to understand, staying true to one partner will be easy.

“My wife still has a nice butt, hips and legs, which helps,” said Paul, married 17 years. “Also, communication is key — I know that sometimes she just needs a little help to get into the mood and is not rejecting my advances per se, she just doesn’t have an on and off switch like I do. So rather than say she’s boring or cold and seek pleasure elsewhere like some men would, I know what to do to help her relax and enjoy my touch.”

Knowing someone like that, he said, comes through her communicating such with him, and the couple being just generally very compatible.

“If you’re going to fantasise about anyone, fantasise about your wife,” Courtney advised. “It helps that my wife is very hot, but fantasising also keeps your mind on her in scenarios where she is appealing to you.”

Married for 12 years, Courtney said he and his wife also sit down and talk about sex, watch movies and express what they like, and re-enact moments in the past when they enjoyed each other.

“Keep it hot — inside and outside the bedroom. Use up all the spaces in your house. Keep yourself groomed and clean and attractive. No one else will appeal to you if your partner is the epitome of perfection and sexual attractiveness.”

We also asked women in long-term relationships how they feel about sex now with their partners:

Juliet, married 14 years:

We don’t have time for anything we enjoyed to be remembered only in the past, or for any one of us to be remembering what things were like then, and have regrets. It’s always mind-blowing — we have lovemaking for every occasion; sometimes it’s long and romantic, sometimes it’s quick, and sometimes it’s mad hot. You have to keep on your toes, and it helps if you really, really enjoyed each other’s bodies from the get-go.

Bev, married 22 years:

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get boring at times, and sometimes the old man needs a boost, but we can talk to each other and laugh about things, and if I’m not OK with something, my husband is the kind of man to fix it. So if I’m daydreaming about something I can mention it to him and he will make it real like that.

Caleen, married 24 years:

It will probably not happen often or last long, but the important thing is to never let your sex life go dead. Maintaining a healthy sex life helps you have a strong connection in the rest of your marriage, and vice versa.