Holy intimacy in the marriage bed
HOW do we teach Christians about sex — good sex — yet keep it holy? It’s an important question, because Christians are certainly expected to get married and have marriages that offer all the bliss that marriage holds. The Bible strongly encourages marriage, stating “Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) And as one person said, the “good thing” mentioned here speaks of the bliss within marriage, including sex. The Bible further says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). Sexual fulfilment is a big part of God’s plan for people’s lives, so how do Christian leaders help couples get to sexual fulfilment in marriage?
It is known that one of the three main reasons for divorce is sex, therefore helping Christians understand the role of sex in marriage and any parameters of it, is important. It may be said that on this topic there has been more negative perspectives presented in churches than positive. It may be due to the prevalence of sexual misconduct and concerns associated with that. However, not having proper teaching can cause misconducts to persist. The Bible provides several texts on the subject, from Old Testament to New Testament, to enlighten readers on the topic — for example, Proverbs 5:14-21 and 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5. Yet, many have still perceived sex to be a taboo subject for Christians. A marriage really is negatively impacted if such perspectives exist. It is apparent a marriage suffers if there is a subconscious notion that sex is ungodly and sinful.
I agree with my brother Robert, who notes how important the topic is. Yet he says with regard to general sex education for Christians, “We don’t want to talk about it in a way that might encourage people to think about it and go do it in a non-Christian scenario. I therefore would limit the audience chosen for those types of discussions.” He figures the best places for these discussions are, “Counselling sessions and adult sessions in the church — because you can’t sound as if to encourage non-biblical sex”. It may be Christians have not had enough skilled teachers presenting on the issue and therefore churches and para-churches have shied away from detailed programmes and presentations. However, thank the Lord that may all be changing.
Dr Carla Dunbar, co-founder of Carla Dunbar Ministries, is one of the answers to this challenge for Christians today. As an expert on the issue and a featured guest speaker at churches, she helps to bring Christians into a knowledge of what is healthy and holy about great sexual activity in marriage. As a skilled teacher she has championed the cause of making couples know about God’s good intention for sex. Her retreats and seminars have been powerful tools to help couples navigate (Hebrews 13:4) “the bed undefiled” issue. An ordained pastor, Reverend Dunbar has been dubbed “the sex pastor” because of her efforts to enlighten on the issue.
Proper teaching on this topic of sex, good sex, is an imperative for church leaders, while still teaching on holiness and virtue. It really is unfortunate that some young adults have not had the opportunity to engage in discussion on the topic, with good, trained, safe, teachers. Some young adults therefore think to experiment to find out for themselves, dabbling in pornography and fornication, because of the secretive way some churches have handled the issue in the past. Yet the Bible also alludes to “older women” teaching the “younger women” about these issues. It is a given that couples’ seminars and marriage retreats should be on the agenda for every church and every couple. The very popular Power of Faith Ministries International has championed “Heal the family, heal the nation”, in order to elevate family life. This issue of providing good sex education for Christians may do just that too.
Rev Christopher Brodber is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail him at chrisbrodber@yahoo.com.
