Shameful things done for love
SHAME. It’s that feeling that can crush you, especially when you’ve reformed, matured, and think back on something you’ve done to hurt someone else in the past. Shame can eat at you, especially if what you did was witnessed by many people.
Jamaicans will say, ‘Mi shame tree dead,’ meaning they’re not easily embarrassed. But whether it’s dead or not, sometimes you just can’t shake that memory that makes you cringe just thinking about it.
What’s that shameful thing you’ve done in a relationship that you truly regret?
Horace, 60:
My wife and I were separating and I insisted that she couldn’t move out with my kids and leave me all alone. I said this in front of the kids and forced them, one by one, to choose who they would live with. The ones that chose their mom, I jeered them and laughed at them. I managed to guilt my youngest into staying with me. It’s something I regret to this day as I poisoned his mind against his mother and siblings and didn’t have a relationship with my other kids. I let my hurt get in the way of being mature and handling my business. My kids don’t really talk to me today, even the youngest one only does so out of obligation. Even after they lost their mom, they still don’t pay me any mind.
Debbie, 43:
My ex in laws no longer talk to me, even though I’m the mother of their grandchildren, because during the time I was going through the break-up with my ex I did some crazy things to try to keep him. I lied about our son being in a car accident to get pity from them and to get attention because they were all taking his side. I also told them that I was very sick and had them worrying about the children’s future and all kinds of other things. It’s been 13 years and I still cringe when I think about it. Even though they don’t talk to me and only communicate with the kids, I still die inside a little when I think back about all I did to get attention, and how I ruined a good relationship with people who are important to my children.
Ken, 41:
I told my wife, jokingly, that if given the chance I would have a go at her sister. It was a joke, but she didn’t find it funny, and she told her relatives. Now they all see me as some perv and look at me weird when I’m around them. I regret saying it, of course, because now I see that I shouldn’t have crossed that boundary, even though her sister is so nice.
Tamoy, 33:
I called a spiritualist in America long distance, wasting thousands of dollars in phone credit, spending on ‘bring back your love’ spells to try to get back my ex. When that didn’t work, I sent money to another spiritualist and he sent some voodoo items through the courier, and customs opened it and I had to physically go to their office to clear them. I was so embarrassed. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I took out a loan and sent money to another guy in MoBay through a money transfer service, and the agent looked at me weird, like she knew what was up. Then if that was also not bad enough, I met up with another spiritualist in my car on the plaza, and he bathed me in oils right there in my vehicle. When it didn’t work and I called the man, he got annoyed and said, “Stop bothering me, the man [ex] don’t want you.” I was so ashamed. Needless to say, nothing I did worked, and my ex is still living his prosperous life, so not a thing reached him.
Teisha, 43:
I am now happily married and baptised, but something I did in my 20s still haunts me to this day. My boyfriend at the time broke up with me and found another girl right after and got her pregnant. I was so devastated that my mind went blank. I paid someone to get his e-mail password and logged in and sent messages to all his contacts, making certain allegations against him and the girl. I also wrote physical letters to the girl’s family, telling them all kinds of things about him. Well, he and the same girl got married, and they all ignored me. It’s been a long time, but I still feel bad because they must have thought that I was a nut job.
