Once upon a ‘yamhead’

MAN clown, yamhead, sucker, or stooge, chances are, at some point in your life dating a Jamaican man, you’ve had this embarrassing baptism. And there’s no point really in other women blaming, berating, or laughing at a woman who finds herself wearing this label because if it’s one thing about men, they’ll fool you, embarrass you, and then leave you with the clown title even when you pride yourself on being sensible.

Some of us manage to fall into the trap just once before we wise up, take our L and move forward; others fall time and time again, and endure test after test before they come to their senses.

What has been your most embarrassing yamhead moment?

Charlene, 27:

My position at work came with a company car, so I didn’t need a personal car. A few months after meeting my new guy, who didn’t drive, I suggested to him that I could buy a car and he would drive it, so he’d save on taxi fare. I bought the car and was making all the payments while he drove around in it. I even had to register and pay insurance each year, and all he’d buy was gas and get it washed. The trade was that he was supposed to pick my child up some days from school, but even that he wouldn’t do consistently. Instead he would braff with my car, and when we would go out together, he would tell me to drive the company car as he didn’t want too many miles on the car I’d bought. I was paying thousands each month, and he never once helped out. During COVID I applied for a moratorium on the car loan because money was tight, and instead of helping, he suggested that it was time to trade up to a SUV as he was tired of driving a sedan. I was blind and fool, but the last straw didn’t come until my friend’s mom died and I wanted to attend the funeral in the country and was afraid to drive so far, and he said he didn’t want to drive the car to the country. I realised that he was a user with no empathy and quietly sold the car, and when the new owner came for it, I lied and said that the bank was repossessing it.

Gillian, 30:

I almost fought over a man, yes, and if my family or current colleagues ever found out, I’d be mortified. I was working in the States as a student and was dating this guy who was community property, but I wasn’t having none of that. This one particular girl was super annoying and would just create a lot of problems in our relationship, so I decided to fight her. Mind you, I went to an all-girls’ school in Jamaica and my parents run a church in the country. I told my room-mates that we were riding at dawn, and the three of us showed up to the girl’s place and started making noise. The girl stood at her window and threw shoes at us until her folks called the cops. I got a disorderly conduct charge, which, thankfully, was dismissed, and I’ve never told anyone at home what happened at that time when I was willing to risk it all for community D.

Rhea, 25:

I graduated with honours for my master’s, and my ex told me that his cousin was doing some of the same courses I had done, and was asking for my thesis from one course so she could understand how to do hers properly. I hesitated because I had worked really hard on mine, but eventually I sent it to him to pass on because I figured that she would be wise enough not to plagiarise, plus it wasn’t the same topic, and helping another student was good. Turns out it wasn’t his cousin — she was my matey, and I was helping her with schoolwork so she had more time to see our man.

Brittani, 23:

I put my ex on my pension at work as a beneficiary, along with my parents. My parents would get 70 per cent and he’d get 30, and I honestly can’t say what I was thinking. After the first year a friend in HR was getting us to do updates, and when she realised who I had on the policy, she promptly made me fill out an adjustment form. I’m young so I guess I never thought about these things, but now I realise how foolish the decision had been to do that for a man who was just a boyfriend.

Stevie-Ann, 34:

I’m financially secure so I have a very high credit card limit. My fiancé is less so — in fact, his credit is really poor. I got him a supplementary card and watched as he bought car parts and food and Clarks and jewellery — nothing for me by the way — and every month I’d pay off the bill like an idiot. I think the most embarrassing time was once when he took me to a hotel for my birthday, and when we were in the lobby and they asked for method of payment he handed them the card, even though I thought he was going to use cash or his debit card. I had to suck salt through wooden spoon the next month to pay off that hotel bill because, in addition to the base rate, this man also went to the spa and ordered wine off the manager’s list. I plan to take the card from his wallet and cut it up when I get a chance, but I’m hoping that he will learn to be more financially prudent when we get married.

Shelly, 40:

My ex made me book plane fare and hotel on my card and promised to pay me back cash when we returned to Jamaica. That was four years ago, and I haven’t seen back a cent. I even took him to court, but he still refuses to pay. He said I can’t expect him to pay for a trip that I was on too. Mind you, it was our anniversary and he had just gotten his visa and insisted that he wanted to go to Miami to shop.