When did you know you wanted to file for divorce?
WHEN the end of a relationship is near we often see the little signs, and have certain revelations that let us know that we’re approaching finality. When the end is THERE, we often know — a definitive kind of closure that often comes with finality in the acceptance. When did you know you wanted to file for divorce? We asked a few divorced people for insight, that may tell when things are worth the fight, and when they aren’t.
Henry, married for 10, divorced three years:
She started sleeping in the children’s room after we had an argument over something silly, and I just let her be, because I wanted the space as well. When months went by with this arrangement, and I didn’t miss her, I knew it was time. We did go to counselling after a while, but even then, I knew I had checked out. She was a beautiful woman and a good wife, but she was just not mature enough to go through the storms with, and life is too short to be unhappy.
Donna, married for three, divorced nine years:
He stopped complimenting me, stopped saying thanks when I’d go out of my way to cook him nice meals or treat him like a king, and I just felt like he was taking me for granted. I didn’t want to compromise my standards and accept that my marriage was going to be boring and ordinary, and I didn’t have any tree growing out of my face, so I knew I deserved better. It’s hard not feeling appreciated, and I just didn’t want to add more years, or children, to a relationship that just wasn’t thriving.
Hope, married for seven, divorced one year:
I had two shocks in a matter of months — the death of my beloved aunt, and then my son (his stepson) decided to move in with his girlfriend and drop out of college. I was devastated, but his response was even worse. He said my son was “worthless long time”, and said I should snap out of it and move on. Then he wanted me to act like nothing happened, and I just couldn’t bother. At that point I had nothing to lose, and I just moved out one weekend and filed to end it.
Spence, married for 12, divorced four years:
I lost my job and before that we had problems, but I always ignored them. Her actions after that made me see that she wasn’t who I wanted to spend any more years with. In the months I was home job hunting, she made me feel the worst, and even stopped cooking and washing for me, despite the fact that we were doing OK financially, because the redundancy money was enough to keep us for a while. I realised that she wouldn’t be there for me for better or worse, and even though she transformed when I did get another job, I was out of there faster than Bolt.
