Relationship rules

CHANCE the Rapper’s Carnival experience, where he was seen grinding on a fellow reveller, sparked much condemnation from the foreign media last week, as he was berated for dancing inappropriately with a woman who was not his wife. Think pieces and debates would follow, with people asking the question, should a married person be dancing with other people?

The responses have been varied — on one hand, there are people who see dancing as mere fun, mere cultural expression; and then there are others that think that once you’re in a serious relationship, the swing of the hips in close confines should be reserved for your partner.

What are the rules in your relationship that can be compared to this dancing debate? We asked a few people.

Kelly, 37, married:

He’s not allowed to have close friends of the opposite sex, nor is he allowed to do any favours for other women neighbours, or colleagues without my knowledge and consent. When we got married I became the only friend of the opposite sex that he requires, and I know enough about thirsty women to know that it’s best to regulate his contact with women, especially single women, to ensure that there are no inappropriate approaches from them, and no temptation.

Arlene, 44, married:

I think we understand, without actually saying it, that some things are a no-no, like dancing with other women, of course, but also not taking food or gifts from other women, or just having them as close confidants. I had an experience where a neighbour was offering my husband dinner when I’d work late, and goodies when she would bake, and I had to nip it in the bud, even though he didn’t see the issue. But she wasn’t even offering them to us as a family, but to him alone, and I thought that was wrong.

Michael, 33, long-term relationship:

One big rule is cutting off exes, they are exes for a reason, and not confiding her business to any male friends. It’s OK for her to have friends, but no close male friends that’s gonna have her ki-ki-king at night on the phone, or who knows our personal business because she needed a shoulder to vent on.

Ebony, 26, in a relationship:

Cheating sometimes starts out as an emotional connection, and so my partner understands that any female confidante he has must be someone we can BOTH confide in. So if you need to talk to someone else, make sure she’s both our friends, and vice versa.

Shaliesa, 30, married:

No dancing, no touching, no confiding, no being in spaces together, no car rides alone — basically, no opportunity for him to be tempted. Trust me, I’ve been around enough women to know how they think, and they seem to be extra attracted to men who are married, who they perceive as stable.