The violation of sexual assault

THE violation of sexual assault isn’t often discussed beyond the level of prosecuting the perpetrator, but women who have been victims find that even years later, and even with therapy, the violation continues to impact their lives and relationships.

Data from the Jamaica Women’s Health Survey 2016, the first report to provide a comprehensive examination of the nature and prevalence of violence against women and girls in Jamaica, shows over 30 per cent of women surveyed had been sexually abused by their male partners and men other than their partners — including friends or acquaintances and family members.

Some 15 per cent of women reported experiencing sexual touching by a non-partner; one in 10 respondents had been forced to have sexual intercourse by a non-partner; 12 per cent of women had men attempt to forcibly have sex with them; and one-fifth of Jamaican women reported being sexually abused before reaching 18 years old.

It’s a problem that puts Jamaica among the countries with a great prevalence of incidences of sexual assault, even as not much exists in terms of aid beyond the legislative. In fact, the survey pointed to the cultural pervasiveness of women “training themselves” to tolerate or even trivialise some forms of violence, contrary to what others elsewhere may regard as rational and acceptable.

Abuse has grave consequences for women’s physiological and psychological health, and often, even if they think they have moved past it, challenges manifest in the way they interact with others. Experts say these women have poorer general health and are more likely to suffer from problems like depression and poor relationships with others.

It’s a constant struggle for these two women who spoke with All Woman after a Zoom forum on abuse last month, involving Christian women from various communities in St Catherine. How do abuse victims keep grounded, years later, when dealing with new partners?

Sue, 44, married mother of two:

It actually took a discussion with my teen daughter to make me see clearly how much of an impact being abused by two close family friends as a 13-year-old still impacts my relationship today. She raised the topic and I told her the story — I had never told anyone else, ever — of how a family friend I was sent to board with in second form and then an in-law whose child I babysat, both violated me. I had buried both deep inside. Ironically, both are still well-respected men of the cloth. One held me down on his bed and forced his tongue down my throat while he groped me, and the other did basically the same at his house, while he tried to rape me using his fingers. Being forced to still interact with them afterwards made me go into a shell; not being able to tell anyone made it worse. You just didn’t tell people those things in those days, especially about men like those. Today, 30 years later, I’m uncomfortable kissing my husband. For a long time I thought forced sex was OK from a partner, yet the physical act grossed me out. I didn’t get therapy, but that talk with my daughter, and her subsequent questions, made me see all that was wrong about it and about what happened to me, and how these men shaped the repressed woman I am today.

Lynn, 50, mother of one:

I was raped at 14 by three guys. Everyone blamed me because they said I should have been at school, and asked how did I end up at their house. My mother insisted that they face the law, and my case went to court. In court, their lawyer made me feel so dirty. They were rich, and at the end there wasn’t enough evidence and they were freed. It was a small community so I would still see them everyday. Their friends would tease me. At age 16 I got pregnant for a taxi guy and had a daughter. I finished my education at the Women’s Centre. My daughter’s father disappeared. I could not bond with her. My mother raised her and she still calls her mom and calls me by my first name. I eventually moved from the community and to Kingston to try and build a life. I did everything, including bar work. I met a man and we got married and I now live in the States. I’m not able to love my husband or any other man. He understands. I’m now a grandmother and take very good care of my granddaughter. I also am very happy giving back to my family in Jamaica. I am unable to love and I am numb to men. I am a Christian and I praise God. I don’t really talk about what happened to me in the past.