Counsellor plays matchmaker

Dear Rev Brodber,

I am writing in response to your article posted August 14, ‘Cute, single, and ready for a husband’, that I just came across. I know you are not a matchmaker, but I would like to connect with the young lady who wrote the article, if both herself and you permit.

I am 28 years old and I have a five, almost six-year-old daughter. Despite being two or three years her junior, I myself would like to be married and am doing the things you recommended in your article. I am fervently seeking self-development and while I do not have the journey complete (is it ever?), I am seeking someone who wants a happy marriage, home and family, grounded in God as well.

I am of the Pentecostal faith and would like to know if she’s interested in someone who wants to travel the world and build and grow with someone.

You’ve put forward a decent offer. There are indeed eligible women looking for the right men. Many wonderful people are waiting to be connected with the right someone, as you are. I’m happy to play matchmaker on occasions. It seems it’s become a default function of my profession. But, while I love to see love and happiness, I do want to ensure that individuals have the right fundamentals in place for a relationship. What do I mean? I’d like to know both parties don’t waste each other’s time, but are truly prepared and willing to pursue a romantic relationship in a proper and prudent way. A fling or a short-term stint isn’t a decent outcome.

Yes, while it is “better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”, it is even better to have loved and not lost that love at all. You have wisely said you want “someone who wants a happy marriage”. That’s a great place to begin. Actualising that will require being patient and strategic. So, I proceed with caution advising you — and I recommend you proceed with due patience while you wait. It is fantastic that you are actively “seeking self-development”. There’s nothing to be lost in being busy building yourself while you watch, wait and pray for the right lady.

My advice:

Remain committed to your ideals: You sound wise, and as though you do know what you want in a wife. Be mindful of your daughter too. Because whoever comes into your life comes into hers. And, ensure you want a romantic partner, and not merely a mother for her. Having said that, you’ll certainly need a mature lady who can handle an instant family. Someone able to navigate possibly having her own children, and a step-daughter. Maybe our August 14th writer is such a woman indeed.

Consider age difference dynamics: As you are considering Miss August 14th, you should know that there is a special dynamic at play when a man marries an older woman. While it obviously can work, it certainly requires a particular approach. I cannot expound on that approach here.

Consider a counselling session: Getting guidance is smart. Having someone walk with you through this process can help you properly prepare for marriage, vet wisely, and help you move forward with a relationship prudently — whoever that lady shall be.

Get a copy of my book: I highly recommend you get a copy of So You Wanna Marry Her. It’s available online at Amazon.com and at a few pharmacies and bookstores in Jamaica. It may hit hard, but it helps guys get ready for marriage. It’s a quick read.

If you want to proceed, I’m hoping that she makes contact, if she so chooses. Also, follow and pay attention to our social media sites, she may prefer to respond in the comments on Instagram or Facebook. You can always follow up with me at www.counsellorscouch.com.

Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.